


Say Yes

by emr_0725



Series: Say Yes [1]
Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Christmas, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Love, New Year's Eve, New Year's Resolutions, New Years, New York City, POV Multiple, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27705848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emr_0725/pseuds/emr_0725
Summary: Peter and Lara Jean meet unexpectedly at graduate school and become close friends as Lara Jean navigates a tough situation._____________________________“Peter Kavinsky?”He turns around and is surprised to see Lara Jean Covey.  “Covey?  What’s going on?”  He grins and hugs her.He smells something floral (or is it coconut?) and it brings him back to the last time he was this close to her….when they played spin the bottle as twelve-year-olds.
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey
Series: Say Yes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2059698
Comments: 73
Kudos: 288





	1. Something has to change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter’s in line at the university bookstore. He’s going to be late for Torts if he doesn’t check out in time. He’s tapping his foot impatiently when he hears a girl call his name. 
> 
> “Peter Kavinsky?”
> 
> “He turns around and is surprised to see Lara Jean Covey. “Covey? What’s going on?” He grins and hugs her.
> 
> “Hey! I can’t believe it’s you! I saw you standing there. Wow, it’s been a long time, right?”
> 
> He smells something floral (or is it coconut?) and it brings him back to the last time he was this close to her….when they played spin the bottle as twelve-year-olds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still burrowed in my Covinsky AU rabbit hole. Hope you enjoy this take. 
> 
> Please comment! I love hearing your thoughts.  
> ___________________________
> 
> Title of chapter from The Japanese House, "Something Has to Change"  
> Title of fic from Elliott Smith, "Say Yes"

Peter’s in line at the university bookstore.He’s going to be late for Torts if he doesn’t check out in time.He’s tapping his foot impatiently when he hears a girl call his name. 

“Peter Kavinsky?”

“He turns around and is surprised to see Lara Jean Covey.“ _Covey_?What’s going on?”He grins and hugs her.

“Hey!I can’t believe it’s you!I saw you standing there.Wow, it’s been a long time, right?”

She is still pretty - her girlishness has transformed into something more womanly, and she’s still into her fashion.Her shoulder-length hair is wavy and shiny and she’s wearing flared jeans with a shiny brass button fly with a flowered print blouse tucked in, showing off her tiny waist and clinging a little to her chest.He smells something floral (or is it coconut?) and it brings him back to the last time he was this close to her….when they played spin the bottle as twelve-year-olds.

“Yeah, wow. It’s good to see you.”

“Do you go to school here?”

“Uh, yeah.I just started law school.You go here, too?”

“Yeah, I just started my MFA in Creative Writing.”

“Oh that’s cool.I remember you really liking books and writing in high school.”

“You do?” Lara Jean gives him a dimpled smile.“Yeah, I’m excited.It was uh, good to run into you.I’ll see you around, okay?”She turns to leave.

 _That’s it?_

“Whoah,” he says, reaching out for her arm.“Wait. Do you want to meet for coffee or something?We should catch up.I mean, how crazy is it that we ran into each other here?”

“Oh that sounds nice,” she smiles.“What’s your number?”She takes out her phone and hands it to him.He types it in and then presses send. 

He grins.“Now I have yours too.”

“All right.Good seeing you, Peter.” And she gives him another bright smile and walks away without looking back.

* * *

Peter waits for three days and decides to try her.

11:15 am  
Peter: Hey Covey. Let’s get coffee this week. What works for you?

He checks his phone throughout the day and there is no word from her. 

7:30 pm   
Covey:Hi!How about Thursday afternoon?You name the place.

He wills himself to not respond right away.

7:47 pm  
Peter: How about Third Rail?1:30?

He waits again.No response.

9:03 pm  
Covey: Sure. Sounds good.

She sighs after texting him.He seems nice enough, but she knows that she’s not in the right head space to make a new friend (acquaintance?).She’s been barely making it through the days as it is.

She tries to ignore her throbbing headache and opens her laptop and gets to work.

* * *

On Thursday, Peter gets to Third Rail a little early and waits for Lara Jean.He loves being in New York and the anonymity of living in such a huge city, but it’s comforting to know that there’s someone close by that shares a little history with him.

Lara Jean rushes in, and Peter notices heads turn to look at her.She’s beautiful, but it’s more than that.It’s her whole look.Her clothes and her hair and her face all make it impossible to not pay attention.Peter gets a good look at her figure - it’s petite and narrow, but she has curves and her clothes show them off without being too obvious.He’s a little taken aback by what a stunner she is and wonders how he could have missed this when they were in school together.

He pushes his initial attraction aside. He has sworn off girls for his first year of law school.It’s a miracle that he even made it in.He had to kill himself studying for the LSAT and quit partying to really buckle down in his classes. NYU was his reach, but he got in after being wait listed, and he couldn’t be happier.He has always been wary of being an athlete has been and is ready to move on from lacrosse and Virginia in general.He’s not going to mess up his chance here.Not to mention, she is clearly not even remotely interested.

“Hey Covey,” he smiles.

“Hi!I’m so sorry.I’m running behind today.” She sits down, and her brow is furrowed.

“It’s not a big deal.You’re not late.What do you want?I’ll go get it.”He stands up. 

“No way!Just sit here.I’ll be right back.”She gets up and goes to the counter and the employee is smiling at her and then they both start laughing.He remembers her being really quiet in high school and is surprised at how naturally she interacts with strangers.When she sits back down at the table she says, “I love this place.You know, people always say New York is a cold unfriendly place.It’s not.I think it’s warmer than home in some ways.There’s less artificial pleasantry.I love the honesty and humor.There’s an endearing gruffness that’s more appealing than niceties.”

“Yeah, I love it here.I always knew I’d want to be here after our senior trip.”

“Me too!How funny that we have that in common,” she’s smiling again.

Her phone starts buzzing and she glances down at it and frowns and puts it away.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just sometimes I kind of want a new identity.Like new phone, new address, new everything.Do you know how I can manage that?”She’s joking but Peter sees the worry in her eyes.

“Wish I did.”And he really does wish he could help her somehow. 

She changes the subject and they catch each other up on what’s happened since high school.Peter knows she went to UNC, but he’s impressed that she spent the year after graduation teaching English in orphanages in Korea. She now lives in the West Village, not too far from him.And Peter fills her in on his college years and law school.

“So this was so nice. It was good to see you.”She gets up abruptly and starts packing up her bag.“I have to get going.”

“Hey, are you going home?Let’s walk together. We're going in the same direction.”

She hesitates and then says, “okay, sure.”

When she gets inside her tiny walk-up, her phone starts buzzing nonstop and she sighs and turns it off without looking at the screen.She sits on her bed with her face in her hands and tries to swallow the huge lump in her throat as the tears start falling while her shoulders shake with silent sobs.


	2. Give me something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter: What are you up to?  
> Covey: Just trying to revise a story. It’s killing me.  
> Peter: Want a distraction?  
> Covey: No, I should probably just work.  
> Peter: Come on! Let’s take a walk or something.  
> Covey:…..  
> Peter: Can I tempt you with Wafels & Dinges?  
> Covey: Damn you, Peter.  
> Peter: I’ll come get you in 15.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note that for this fic I won't be keeping to my normal daily posting schedule because of the holiday weekend. I'll keep you updated on the schedule. Thanks so much for reading!

Lara Jean is immersed in editing her new story. She’s supposed to workshop it next week, and the revisions are not coming together.She’s contemplating scrapping the whole thing and starting fresh when she gets a text from Peter.

Peter: What are you up to?   
Covey: Just trying to revise a story. It’s killing me.   
Peter: Want a distraction?It’s nice outside.   
Covey: No, I should probably just work.   
Peter: Come on!Let’s take a walk or something.   
Covey:…..   
Peter: Can I tempt you with Wafels & Dinges 

Covey: Damn you, Peter.  
Peter: I’ll come get you in 15.

He buzzes up, and she comes down grinning.Her hair is swept up into a ponytail and she’s wearing shorts with beaded wedge sandals and a sleeveless embroidered top.Her cat eye sunglasses are dark tinted, and she just looks like she’s lived here forever. Where did the small town Virginia girl go?

“You are a bad influence! I’m trying to do work!” She laughs.He smiles widely at her and his happiness is contagious.She’s glad he persuaded her to come out. 

“You and my roommate are my only friends here, so get used to it.”

“Oh, I’m your friend now?” She raises her eyebrows and smiles skeptically.

“What?Of course, we were always friends.”

“Sure Peter.I don’t think we said more than a few words to each other in high school.The longest conversation we had in a decade was at Third Rail.”She’s teasing him.

“Well, so what.I want to be friends now.”

“Hmmm…. What exactly does being Peter Kavinsky’s friend entail nowadays?

“Hanging out, eating, drinking, walking, watching TV, you know, all that good stuff.”

“You’ve mellowed out a bit from your high school reputation.” She raises her eyebrows again.

“See?I’ll make a perfect friend for you.You’ll probably get tired from all the literary types and need to be around people from your old stomping grounds.”He grins.“Come on, let’s go get our treats.”

When they get to Wafel and Dinges, Lara Jean’s phone buzzes, and she takes a look at it and frowns.

“I have to go.” She says, getting up.

“Wait, what’s going on?”

She looks at his concerned, warm eyes and decides at that moment that Peter _would_ make a good friend and is quite possibly the type of friend that she needs.Someone who is removed from the rest of her life.They have no overlap really, and he is sweet and kind and seemingly trustworthy.She’s been tight-lipped about this all, and it will be such a relief to share it with someone who doesn’t even know who Alex is.

She blurts out,“Peter, I’m in a really really awful situation with an ex.He did something horrible and dishonest and pretty much unforgivable, but I still have feelings for him.I’m having a hard time because it’s pretty impossible to avoid him, but I know if I talk or see him I’ll be putting myself in a vulnerable position and do something really stupid.”

“Uh, okay.Can you tell me what exactly happened?”

“Not right now,” she whispers, her eyes welling up with tears.Her voice breaks.

“Hey, don’t cry.It’s going to be okay.I think I have an idea of how we can help each other,” he says, putting his arm around her. “I’ll go get our waffles and we can sit here and eat our feelings, okay?”

She looks at his kind open face with his messy curls spilling over his forehead, and she gives him a watery smile.“Okay, thank you Peter.”

Sure enough, after a few bites in, Lara Jean starts to feel better.Peter is obviously trying to cheer her up, and his goofiness is hard to resist.She laughs out loud when he opens his mouth to eat a huge forkful of waffle and it falls from his fork on the ground instead, leaving his empty mouth wide open for a few seconds before he realizes it.He gives her an injured look and then laughs hysterically with her.

“Lara Jean, I get you now.You like mean funny.”

“What?”

“You think it’s funny when people look stupid.”

“Haha!Yeah, totally.Who doesn’t?I think it’s funny when I look stupid, too.” 

He looks appreciatively at her.“Come on, how often does that happen?”

“Uh, like all the time.I fell down the stairs at school the other day because I was so distracted by my book.”

He laughs loudly and then stops.“Wait, that must have hurt.”

“It only really hurt my ego.I was feeling myself and the outfit I was wearing that day, so really, that was a lesson from the universe!”She laughs again.“It was hilarious.”

After they finish up, Peter turns to her and says, “So do you want to hear my idea?”

“Sure.”

“Do you want to pretend that we’re together to get your ex off your back?”

“What?”

“If he sees us together all the time, he’ll get the idea and leave you alone.”

“Uh, but that would be weird, right?I mean, we’ve only hung out a couple of times.I hardly know you… We might not want hang out all the time.”

“No, we will,” he says confidently.“I can tell that you’d be an unbelievable friend and I am seriously the best at friendship.”

She laughs again.“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“What would you get out of this?”

“Well, I told you that I made it in law school here by the skin of my teeth.I need to stay away from girls because that will be a huge distraction to me.So if you hang out with me, that’ll give the message that I’m unavailable.”

“But - ”

“What?There’s no downside.”

“Well, there’s one big downside for me.I still haven’t given up on the idea that I might meet the right person one day, and what if I miss him because he thinks we’re together?”

He’s quiet for a second and then grins.“If someone catches your eye, we can stage a huge messy break up.You can even slap me or something in public.”

“Are you for real?”She laughs hard at that.He’s impossible to say no to.She pauses and says, “you know what? You have a deal.But same for you - if you start getting interested in someone, let’s break up,” putting air quotes around the phrase ‘break up’.

His eyes crinkle and his grin spreads over his whole face as they shake hands.Lara Jean hasn’t felt this light in weeks.

* * *

Peter: Are you around tonight?   
Covey: Why?   
Peter: Shouldn’t we get together and figure out our dating plan?   
Covey: Yeah, you’re right.I’ll come to you.What’s your address?

He hears the bell ring and buzzes her up.

Peter sits on an armchair, and Lara Jean slips off her shoes and sits cross-legged on the sofa, smiling.She looks so tiny and cute that he can’t help but smile back.

“So?”

“This is weird.”

“Yeah, I know.What will make this less awkward?”

“Wine?”

“I’ll go grab a bottle.”He comes back with a bottle and a corkscrew.“Okay, so no judgment.We have no glasses or cups in our apartment yet.”

“What?How do you drink anything?”

“Out of the containers they come in.”

“Oh my god, that’s hilarious,”she’s laughing.“Where are your glasses?”

“In one of the unpacked boxes.We just moved in on Sunday.” 

“Oh, do you have a roommate?”

“Yeah, Kev, we’ve known each other since college.”

She looks at the wine and laughs.“I guess we have no choice but to drink out of the bottle.”

Peter opens the bottle and hands it to her and she takes a swig and coughs a little.“What is this?”She looks at the label.This is the sweetest red wine I’ve ever had.”

“Okay, don’t judge me.I’m a beer guy.”He’s laughing.

“Where did you even get this?”

“The leasing company left it in our apartment.”

“First rule of fake dating.You need to buy better wine.”She’s laughing. 

“Deal.” He grins.

“Seriously, what are we doing?What do you need me to do?

“Just go to the law school functions with me and occasionally go out.It shouldn’t be that hard to pretend that you adore me.”He’s joking, but he’s cocky.

“Hmmm… I guess I can act like a member of the Peter Kavinsky high school fan club.” She’s laughing again.“I’ll sacrifice some self respect in the name of this arrangement.I’ll be like ‘oh Peter, your jeep is so dreamy!I’ll cheer for you when you make a lacrosse goal! Yay team!”She’s clasping her hands and giggling.

He reaches over and pokes her and says in an affected voice,“And I’ll be like, ‘I love this esoteric poet.Why don’t we sit around and write sonnets to each other and then navel gaze and listen to indie music that no one has heard of?”They’re both laughing hard now.

“Hey, I loved reading all those sonnets in English!”

“Believe me, I know.I feel like your interest carried the class.” He laughs.He stops laughing and smiles at her.“Remember when we were little and we used to play?”

“Yeah, I do,” she smiles.“I remember going to the Pearce’s treehouse a lot.”She turns and looks at him.“Hey, do you remember my mom at all?”

“A little.She was really nice and super pretty.”

“Yeah, she really was, both of those things.” She gets quiet.“It’s funny.I just realized in this moment that you’re the only person I know in New York that knows my mother.I’m glad you remember her.”He feels a little tug in his stomach when she says this.And then she smiles again and says, “It’s so funny.We’ve known each other for so long but not that well at all.It’s ironic that we share these kind of intimate memories yet we hardly know who we are now.”She’s pensive and then breaks out into a grin. “Speaking of memories, do you remember spin the bottle at John Ambrose McClaren’s house?”

“Um yes, of course I do.You totally swooned when I kissed you.I bet it was the best kiss of your life!” He jokes.

“Oh my god, Peter!You still have the same ego!”She’s laughing loudly. “And now here we are full circle, in a fake relationship because of my screwed up life.”She’s still smiling, but Peter sees the sadness in her face.

He clears his throat, and asks, “So is there anything specifically you need me to do to help with your ex situation?”

“Oh, I don’t know… Meet me after workshop occasionally?”She shrugs.“His name is Alex by the way.I’ll point him out to you next time we run into him.Unfortunately I see him a lot.He’s getting his PhD in English Lit here, so we’re in the same parts of campus a lot.”

“I’m sure he’ll stay away when he sees how much you adore me!” He wonders how she does act when she is into someone.She’s so warm and sweet, but so indifferent to him that she almost seems aloof in some ways.

She’s laughing again.“Sure Peter!I’ll work on honing my acting skills. You should, too.All right I better get going.It’s getting late.”

“Wait, let me find my keys. I’ll walk you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave comments and let me know your thoughts!
> 
> ______________
> 
> Chapter title from "Fire" by Waxahatchee


	3. I put on a good show for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hi, you look really nice,” she smiles up at him. His suit fits perfectly, accentuating his broad shoulders and his lean, athletic build. She reaches up, tightening his tie a little and fixing his collar. He is so handsome, definitely more of a man than the cocky adolescent from her high school days. There is still the easy charm and carefree sense of fun of the teenage Peter, but what’s surprising to her is his openness and sweetness, which is what she remembers of young Peter. He’s more man than boy now, but what she really sees in him now is that boy, the one that gave her that first kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! I think this chapter will answer some questions. Please comment. I love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> _____________________
> 
> Chapter title from "Fire" by Waxahatchee

It’s mid-September, but it is unseasonably warm.As Peter waits for Lara Jean to get out of her workshop, he checks his phone for the time and runs to the coffee cart and gets her an iced tea, asking the barista to add a healthy amount of sugar to the black tea while it’s steeping. 

When she walks out of the building, he’s struck again by how pretty she is in her floral romper.She always looks so good, dressing intentionally with her creativity shown through her style.She stands out, and he’s pretty sure she knows it.

“Hey Covey.”

She smiles.“Hi.”

“Here, want some sweet tea?”He hands it to her.

“Oh my god, how did you know this is exactly what I wanted?”She takes a sip.“This is so good!It tastes like home.”

“It’s a Virginia native thing.” He grins, so happy that she likes it.

“I’ve been craving it in this weather.Thank you so much.” She gives him a wide smile, and then stiffens suddenly, holding the tea tightly with a shaking hand.

“What’s wrong?”He sees a tall guy approaching.“Oh.”He pulls her in front of him and puts his arms around her torso and nuzzles the top of her head.He feels her body relax against his, and he hugs her tighter.He doesn’t think he’s imagining feeling her let out a little sigh.She says quietly after a moment, “Okay, he’s gone.I think it worked.”

“What?Oh good,” He says, shaking his head a little to refocus.“Want to grab some pizza?”

“Sweet tea and pizza?Wow, maybe it won’t be hard to act like I adore you after all,” she says smiling.

He laughs and swings an arm around her.

* * *

Soon they fall into a schedule.Peter picks up Lara Jean from workshop twice a week, and they almost always have dinner afterwards.Lara Jean meets Peter after Contracts once a week and they study together afterwards in the late afternoon, and they take turns choosing the location.Lara Jean prefers the Fine Arts library and Peter likes going to a local bar so he can have a beer.

Anything outside of their class/study routine requires some serious persuasion on Peter’s part. Lara Jean never asks Peter to do anything extra, but he frequently asks her to attend social events.He has to pull out all the stops.

Peter: I have a law school reception sponsored by a firm on Thursday.Can you come?  
Covey: Oh I was planning to go to a reading.   
Peter: Covey!Come on.   
Covey: I don’t know….   
Peter: You’re my girlfriend, remember?   
Covey: I’m not sure I have the stamina to deal with a bunch of Peter hungry future lawyers giving me side eye.   
Peter: I’ll buy you a drink afterwards.And snacks.   
Covey: …..   
Peter: We have a deal, remember?   
Covey: Ugh. Fine.   
Peter: It’s a little dressy.The invite says cocktail attire.   
Covey: ….   
Peter: I’ll take you to dinner.   
Covey: ….   
Peter: We can go do that book printing thing at Shakespeare & Co next week.   
Covey: And dinner?   
Peter: FINE.   
Covey: Don’t yell at me.

Peter sighs.

Peter: Sorry. 

It’s exhausting.

* * *

On the night of the reception, Peter goes to get Lara Jean at her apartment.He buzzes up, and when she opens the door, his mouth drops. She’s wearing a black halter neck sheath dress that skims her figure and suede teal _high_ heels.Her make-up is simple aside from her red lips and her hair is straight and side swept.Everything is simple and sleek, but the effect is lethal, and Peter is having hard time not staring.

“Hi, you look really nice,” she smiles up at him.His suit fits perfectly, accentuating his broad shoulders and his lean, athletic build.She reaches up, tightening his tie a little and fixing his collar.He is so handsome, definitely more of a man than the cocky adolescent from her high school days.There is still the easy charm and carefree sense of fun of the teenage Peter, but what’s surprising to her is his openness and sweetness, which is what she remembers of young Peter.He’s more man than boy now, but what she really sees in him now is that boy, the one that gave her that first kiss. 

He’s staring.“Huh?”

“You look nice, Peter.”

“Uh, thanks.You look good, too.”

“Thanks.Where is this thing anyway?”

“Amelie’s.”

“Oooh!I love it there!”

“Really?”He smiles.“Good.”

When they enter the restaurant, Peter sees again that people notice her right away, and he feels a sense of pride that she’s his girlfriend, however fake that it is.She’s gorgeous and smart and well spoken, and he knows that she can hold her own in a conversation with anybody.He stays close to her and puts his hand on her lower back instinctively, forgetting that it’s bare.He feels her skin break out into little goosebumps under his hand, but she doesn’t give any other indication that she’s noticed his touch.He’s liking the feel of her smooth, soft skin, and if he’s honest with himself,he’s a little turned on.If he stretches his hand out, he can almost reach the edges of her narrow waist, and he likes the feeling that she could easily fit into him.

“Hey Peter,” Jess, a glamorous blonde 2L, walks up with a smile. 

“Hi, Jess.Jess, this is my girlfriend, Lara Jean,” and he moves his hand slightly to her waist and brings her closer into his side.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” Lara Jean smiles widely.

“Oh. Hi.” She gives Lara Jean a once over.“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, Peter.You seem so unattached.” 

Lara Jean laughs.“He’s always been the biggest flirt,” she says before he gets a chance to speak.He raises his eyebrows.“He likes to pretend that he’s free to do what he wants, but he knows that I own him.I give him a long leash.” She smirks, and for the second time of the night, Peter’s jaw drops.

“Oh.Well you must be an understanding girl to put up with all of his, um, flirtations.”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Lara Jean smiles. Peter can’t believe how smooth she is.She’s not even a little bothered by Jess’s insinuations.She wraps her arms around Peter’s waist and reaches up and touches his hair. Peter sucks in a breath and puts his arms around her to keep her pressed against him. 

“Well it was nice meeting you.I’ll see you later,” Jess stalks off.

“Oh my god.Did you hook up with her or something?”Lara Jean’s eyes are wide.“She’s scary.”

“What?You seemed totally cool.Although, I have to say, the leash thing was a little much, right?” He elbows her and she laughs.“But no, I didn’t.We kind of hang out at school sometimes.She comes and sits with me between classes sometimes and we do our reading.”

“Yikes, are there going to be more interactions like that?I’m remembering why I didn’t want to come.And you didn’t say a word to help me!Don’t pretend like you weren’t a little scared by her, too.”

“Who’s pretending?I was terrified.Thank god I had you to protect me.You know what they say, small but mighty.”Lara Jean snickers.“Come on Covey, let’s have some fun.Want a glass of wine?They won’t have the leasing company vintage here.Let’s get you a glass and we can talk more about how you own me.”He chuckles as he takes her hand and she lets him lead her to the bar.

“LJ?” A tall, olive-skinned guy with dark hair approaches with a huge grin. 

“Dan?!”She squeals and leaps at him, and he picks her up a little. “Look at you, Lara Jean!Have you been eating your vitamins?You look taller.Oh, no… It’s those shoes!Man, those are something else.You are something else!You look great!” He looks at her appreciatively.

“Thanks, you do too,” she says smiling.“Oh, this is my, um, boyfriend, Peter.Peter, this is Dan.”

“Hey, nice to meet you,” Dan puts out his hand and makes eye contact. 

Peter shakes his hand.“You too.”

“Dan and I went to college together.He lived in my hall sophomore year.” 

“Oh that’s great.”Peter grins, and puts his arm around Lara Jeans waist again.“We should hang out sometime.I’d love to hear about Lara Jean’s crazy college life.I bet she was a party girl.”He laughs.

“Peter stop!You are well aware of my innate nerdiness.”

“You weren’t nerdy, LJ.You just always did your own thing and made it look good.” Dan looks at her.

She smiles at him.“You’re so sweet.Is your number the same?Let’s catch up.”

“It’s the same.I’d love to.I’ve got to get going now, my friends are waiting outside, and the car’s going to be here any minute.Peter it was nice to meet you.LJ, call me.”He sweeps her up in another hug and pulls back to look at her once more and then leaves.

Peter is unsettled by this interaction.There was definitely a spark there.And the guy was kind of a dick.He had no idea that their relationship was fake and was clearly putting out signals in front of him.He tries to shake off the feeling and turns to Lara Jean with a smile.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Oooooohhhh…. Let me try that cabernet.”Lara Jean’s eyes are wide with excitement, and Peter has to laugh.

“Okay, do you want a snack?”

“Um, the answer is always yes to a snack.Want to split the burrata?”

“God, Covey.You’re a little extra today with your fancy tastes!” He laughs.He says in a really bad French accent, “I’ll have the burrata and the cabernet, please!”

“Shut up.Hey, if we were in a pub or something, I’d be just as excited to get a burger and fries!”She’s laughing.“When in Rome, Peter… You’re the one that made me come to this bougie reception with the future lawyers of America.And by the way, that is the worst accent I’ve ever heard.What’s that supposed to be anyway, Welsh?”She bursts out laughing.

He laughs and laces his fingers through hers as he flags down the bartender.

* * *

The reception is over, and Lara Jean is tipsy after two glasses of wine.

“Let’s go get you a slice of pizza or something.”

“Oh my god, that sounds perrrfect.” She’s slurring a little.

“You are too much!Two glasses of wine and you are shitfaced!”

“Hey, I hardly had anything to eat.It went straight to my head.I had to rush to get ready and I didn’t eat a good lunch because I was trying to get all my reading done.So it’s really your fault.”She’s pouting and Peter can’t stop staring at her lips.

“Peter, come on!Let’s get pizza.”

“Let’s go, you wino.”He laughs.

They sit down at a table devouring their pizza when Lara Jean stops eating suddenly and says, “I want to tell you something while I’m drunk so I don’t have to agonize over this anymore.” 

“Okay,” he smiles.“Go for it.”

She takes a deep breath and says, “Alex is married, but I didn’t know.He hid it from me, and his wife called me after someone tagged us on Instagram.He lied to me while we together.For six whole months.They were separated for part of the time but I had no idea about any of it.”Her voice gets thick and says, “I was really in love with him.”

Peter’s speechless. He can’t even begin to process what a mess this is.He’s trying to figure out what to say when he hears Lara Jean groan.

“Ugh, I have the worst headache.Can you get me some water?I can’t get up." She's rubbing her temples and grimacing.

By the time he comes back with the water, she is practically falling asleep at the table. 

“Covey?” He rubs her shoulder. “Here, let’s get a car.”He orders the Uber.

When they get to her apartment building, he has to fish out her keys for her and when she finally unlocks the door, he realizes that it will take forever for her to walk up the two flights of stairs. 

“I can walk myself,” she mumbles when he picks her up and puts her over his shoulder. 

“Yeah I know.This is just faster.Think of how good it will feel to get in bed.”

They get inside, and Peter fetches a glass of water and puts it on her nightstand.

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

She comes out of the bathroom and goes into the bedroom.

“Covey, I’m-”Peter stops.She’s undressing in front of him.He turns around and looks at the wall. 

“What did you say?”She’s unfazed.

“Uh, I’m going to get your key and lock up and slip it under your door.”He’s trying hard not to think about her perfect ripe body.Maybe this girl moratorium was a bad idea.

“K.Thanks.” And she promptly falls asleep and starts snoring lightly.

He turns back to her and pulls the covers over her and turns out the light.

* * *

Lara Jean wakes up with a splitting headache and immediately calls Peter.

“Hey, everything okay?”He sounds worried.They’ve never spoken on the phone before.

“Yeah,I’m fine.I just wanted to call and say sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“For getting drunk and making you take care of me.I didn’t eat enough yesterday, and - ”

“Covey, it’s not a big deal.So you got drunk and I took you home.I’m sure you’d do the same thing for me.I’m only up one flight of stairs, so it’ll be easier for you.”

She laughs.He is too much.She’s somber after a beat - she realizes he’s joking to make her feel more comfortable. “No seriously, Peter.Everything is so crazy with me right now.I don’t know…. I feel bad that I’m such a mess.I don’t want you to feel like you have to be that person for me, okay?”

“What person?”

“You know the person who is the shoulder to cry on for the pathetic other person who can’t get it together.”

“What are you talking about?You’ve got it all together, Lara Jean.My master plan is to ride on your coattails.”

She has to laugh again.“My coattails?To where?To a land of neuroses and debilitating heartbreak and excessive dairy fat consumption?”She winces at how bleak her present state sounds. 

“No.To the land of being a badass who does what she sets out to do and just kills it.The land of being smart and creative and fun and just good.”

She snorts and then gets quiet.She’s suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude.

“Thanks, Peter.”

“You’re welcome. 

There is a few seconds of silence. Lara Jean’s eyes are burning.

She says thickly, “I have to get going.I’ll see you after workshop, okay?I mean, only if you still want to.” 

“I’ll be there,” he says gently.

After she hangs up, she decides that she’s going to bake something for Peter as a thank you.She really wants to do something nice for him to show how much she appreciates him.She starts scrolling through recipes when she gets a text.

Dan:Great seeing you last night.Let’s catch up.What’s your week looking like?

Then, another text.

Alex:I’m so sorry.Are you ever going to answer me?

Lara Jean sighs and shuts off her phone.

She opens her laptop and googles to find the nearest Verizon store.She gulps down two ibuprofen with the water Peter left on her nightstand and hurries to get showered.

* * *

She makes it through a painful workshop.Thank goodness they aren’t discussing her story today.

When she gets up to leave, Amber scurries over and pulls her arm.“Hey, Lara Jean.I know you’ve been avoiding us all after whatever happened between you and Alex.I just want to make sure you know I’m here if you need to talk or just hang out.You don’t have to divorce us all.” 

Lara Jean smiles.“Amber, I know.I’m just taking a little time because it was all so, uh, sudden.” 

Amber nods.“Okay, so when things settle down for you and you’re ready, let’s do something okay?I miss you.”She hugs Lara Jean tightly.“I have to run to find Leslie.She owes me my draft.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”She exhales and squares her shoulders as heads towards the lobby.

Lara Jean makes her way out of the building and instead of sitting on the steps like he usually does, Peter is standing with his arms crossed facing the building. When he sees her, he strides quickly towards her, and as he gets closer, she sees he is frowning with a deep crease in between his brows.

“I’ve been texting you for hours.What’s going on?”

“Oh, I’m sorry.I changed numbers earlier today.Your texts probably didn’t come through yet because my data has been transferring.Oh wait, maybe I won’t get them at all.I don’t really understand how that all works.Was it something important?Did I forget about something?I’ve been so scattered.I’m sorry.”

He sighs.“No, never mind.”

“Are you mad?”

“No.Come on, let’s get going.Are you hungry?”It’s true that he’s not frowning anymore and the crease between his eyebrows is gone, but he’s brusque and cold, and he keeps walking without looking at her.

She walks next to him trying to keep pace.“Peter, you’re walking too fast.I know I upset you.I’m sorry, okay?I was just trying to get my phone stuff done before class.What was it that you needed?”She’s trying to stay calm, but her nerves are just frayed and she can’t stand the thought of upsetting him. She grabs his wrist, and he turns to her.“Peter?” She hears her voice break and she hates herself for it.“You’ve been a really good friend to me, and I hope I didn’t do something thoughtless.I’m sorry if I screwed up.I’m so in my head lately.If I flaked out or something I’m sorry, okay?It’s not intentional, but I know I’ve been so distracted.I’ll work on - ”

He puts his hand on her shoulder.“Hey, hey, don’t get upset,” he says softly.“You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just concerned because you seemed so down on the phone this morning.And you were a little late coming out so I was worried.”He doesn’t mention _how_ worried.Or that he literally wanted to punch Alex in his face when he saw him walk by while he was waiting for her.Or that he’s realizing that this idea of his might be exactly the type of distraction he was hoping to avoid.

“Oh.” She lets out a shaky breath, and he squeezes her shoulder.“Are you okay, Covey?”

She nods, not trusting her voice.

She is so vulnerable and fragile right now, and he sees that she is truly incapable of intending to harm.And he knows that she is flailing right now and the rational thing would be for him to take a giant step back but he can’t help but lean in.


	4. I can learn to be easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, why is it whenever I ask you to do something with my friends you are so reluctant? You always end up having fun, probably more fun than I have.” He’s getting even more annoyed at himself for caring enough to call her out on it. 
> 
> Well, because their “relationship” is a total sham and now it’s been almost three months of this, and Alex is back with Carrie, and so what exactly is she doing? And while she wants it to end because she doesn’t want to prolong the inevitable, she also knows how much she’ll miss having Peter be a part of her daily life. She decides should nip it in the bud, and now is as good a time as any. She draws a deep breath and says, “Peter, well you know now that -”

When Peter gets out of class, he sees Lara Jean waiting outside of the law school building in a camel colored wool coat with a faux fur-trimmed hood and skinny jeans.He smiles and nods goodbye to his classmates as he hurries over to her. 

“Hi, sorry.Class got out a little late today.”

“Oh no problem.”She’s holding a paper bag that has a round wooden tag tied onto it with a burlap ribbon. 

“Do you want me to carry that for you?”

“No, actually I mean, yes.It’s for you,” she says with a shy smile.

“It is?”He’s surprised.

“Just a thank you for being such a good friend to me these past months.”

She hands him the bag, and he sees that the tag has his name written in her pretty cursive.  
  
“What?You didn’t have to do that.”He opens the bag and there’s a box full of cookies. “Did you bake these?”

“Yeah,” she says smiling.“I’ve been meaning to bake you something for weeks, but time has just gotten away from me.Anyway, I know what you like, so there’s salted caramel, pretzel chocolate chunk, and snickerdoodle.” 

“You baked all of these for me?”He’s incredulous.

She shrugs.“I like baking.It’s therapeutic.And I wanted to do something nice for you.”

He grins at her and pulls her in for a bear hug, lifting her up a little and making her squeal.She breathes in his aftershave and gets a little dizzy from how good he smells and the feel of his solid warm body against hers.She misses now, more than anything, that physical closeness she shared with Alex, and although Peter is just a friend, she often catches herself getting lost in his Peter-ness, his warmth, his kindness, his charisma, and of course, his undeniable handsomeness and physicality.

“Thanks, Covey!”And then he starts rummaging through the box and stuffs one in his mouth.“Yummmmmm,” he moans as he closes his eyes and crumbs fall onto his shirt.

He’s so adorable that she has to stop herself from reaching up and tousling his curls.Instead she tsks at him and dusts his shirt.“Oh my god, Peter, slow down.There’s more where that came from.I’m afraid you’re going to choke.”She snickers as he reaches in and shoves another cookie in his mouth, crumbs collecting at the corners of his lips.Sure enough, he starts coughing and she bursts out laughing.

He takes some time to swallow and collect himself and then he pouts at her and says, “Are you always this mean when you give gifts?” 

She’s laughing so hard she can’t talk, and her sides are aching.

He shakes his head, laughing, and grins, and takes her bag off her shoulder and swings it over his.“Come on meanie, let’s go.”

She doesn’t remember the last time she laughed like this.

* * *

As they sit at a booth at a new ramen house that opened near the law school for dinner one night, Peter notices that Lara Jean is abnormally quiet and lost in her thoughts.“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing really.I just found out Alex is back with his wife.If this isn’t a sign for me to get over it, I don’t know what is.”

“That’s good.He looked like a huge dumb ass anyway.”He refrains from calling him worse because he knows she still has feelings for him.

“What?”

“He just looks so stupid.”She laughs.“What did you like about him anyway?”

“I don’t know.Why does anyone fall for anyone?Chemistry?I had a lot of chemistry with him - emotionally, mentally, and physically. I think that’s one of the reasons it’s hard for me to let go.Like will I ever have anything like that again?You know, I miss him in really unpredictable ways.Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how musical he was.I never really fully appreciated it.He always played in a band and wrote music.I wish I could hear him play again.”

She’s quiet again and deep in thought, and Peter waits for her to go on. 

“If I really think about it, I think a lot of the issue for me is fear of losing the intimacy.I had partners before him, but he was my first real sexually intimate relationship.That’s hard for me to let go of.”Peter’s can’t believe how open she is.“It was really intimate.He kind of created a space for me to be a sexual being.”Now Peter feels his neck getting hot.He has never had a conversation like this.“Do you know what I mean?”

“Uh yeah, I think so.”He studies his chopsticks.

“Can you remember your first really intimate sexual relationship or have you had so many partners that you’ve forgotten?” She’s asking earnestly, without judgment.

“What?No of course I can remember!”

“Wasn’t it super intimate?I mean just being in that safe space and letting your partner know what you want and like.”She looks at him, waiting for a response.

“Hmmm… It wasn’t really like that for me.”At this moment, he’s trying hard to not to imagine what Lara Jean likes.But he thinks about it his past relationships and realizes that he never had that kind of openness.

“Oh, well…” she says, going on.“I wonder if I can have that again, even if it’s just a casual relationship.Because I don’t want to have a physical relationship unless it’s really satisfying for me.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had sex with someone where I wasn’t into their satisfaction and they weren’t into mine.I mean that’s part of it, right? But we never talked about it.”

“For me, talking about what I want and what my partner wants is part of foreplay.I guess I discovered that it’s a necessity for me to experience pleasure.”And Peter gets hot again. _Jesus!_ _Who talks like this?_

“All right, we should get going.It’s late.Let’s go.” He says gruffly, standing up.

Lara Jean throws her head back and laughs.“Peter, we don’t even have our food yet!I’ll stop talking about it.Sit down.” 

* * *

When they walk home, Peter says, “There’s a party the weekend after Thanksgiving break at Tyler’s place, and - ”

“Oh Peter, I don’t know.”

“Come on! It will be fun, I promise.”

She doesn’t want to disappoint him, but the last thing she wants to do is go to a rager while playing interference with a bunch of Peter-thirsty girls.“Won’t it be better if I don’t go?You can have fun and hang out with your friends without me."

“No, I like hanging out with you,” he says simply.

She smiles at him and says, “Me, too, but it’s just not my thing, these parties.I feel like an imposter when I go.Remember the Halloween party where those two girls were dressed as sexy babies?That was seriously disturbing.”

He grimaces.“Yeah, that was super weird. Ugh, thanks for bringing that up again.I had a hard enough time forgetting about it the first time.This will be different.It’s just a group of people.Nothing wild like that.”

She looks at him doubtfully, and he starts getting annoyed.Why does he always have to plead?

“Hey, why is it whenever I ask you to do something with my friends you are so reluctant?You always end up having fun, probably more fun than I have.” He’s getting even more annoyed at himself for caring enough to call her out on it.

Well, because their “relationship” is a total sham and now it’s been almost three months of this, and Alex is back with Carrie, and so what exactly is she doing?And while she wants it to end because she doesn’t want to prolong the inevitable, she also knows how much she’ll miss having Peter be a part of her daily life.She decides she should nip it in the bud, and now is as good a time as any.She draws a deep breath and says,“Peter, well you know now that -”

“Lara Jean,” he interrupts quickly, in an insistent voice that’s a bit louder than his normal one. “I’d really like you to be there.Please?”He looks at her with soft, pleading eyes, eyes that don’t match his tone.

“Okay,” she says softly.

“Yeah?” He gives her such a huge grin that she can’t help but give him a dimpled smile back. 

“Yeah.” 

* * *

Lara Jean decides to spend Thanksgiving break at school because she has too much work to do.She’s relieved to have an excuse to not go home given the Alex situation and her dread of having to explain things, especially to Kitty who will be able to sniff it out of her. On Thursday she has dinner with Amber and Joe at their place in Hell’s Kitchen.

She has avoided any conversation involving Alex, hoping that everyone can read between the lines.She doesn’t know if they all know now that he’s married, but she thinks she’s made it clear that she is one hundred percent not involved with him and has moved on successfully with Peter.

“So, now that you are out of hiding, are we ever going to meet Peter?” Amber teases.

“You’ve met him,” Lara Jean replies.

“Yeah, but we haven’t exchanged more than a few words.You guys are always in a rush to go maul each other.”

“ _What?_ ” Lara Jean’s aghast.

“Come on, you guys are hot together.”

“I’m going to go look in on dinner while you guys have your sex talk,” Joe laughs as he rushes into the kitchen.

“I’m not serious with him.It’s very casual."

“Oh okay, LJ.If you say so,” Amber smirks.“The chemistry between you guys is palpable.Anyway, let’s hang out all together.I want to spend time with this guy.Make sure that he’s not another asshole.”

Lara Jean doesn’t say anything and looks out the window.

“Hey,” Amber says gently.“We all know what happened, and it’s amazing that you are keeping it together.I know you are hurting.You could have told me.”

Her eyes fill with tears, and she hugs Amber tightly.“Thanks.I’m doing so much better.”

“I’m sure Peter helped with that.” Amber squeezes her back and laughs.

He really has.

As she walks to the subway she gets excited when she feels her phone buzz.She quickly takes it out of her pocket.

Dan: Happy Thanksgiving LJ.Still holding you to that catch up date.How’s this week looking for you? 

* * *

Peter hasn’t seen Lara Jean in almost a week and although the plan is for him to see her after workshop as usual, he can’t wait. He spent most of his free time during the break helping his mom at her store because this one of the busiest seasons for her and while he and Lara Jean texted a fair bit, he’s been missing her.On more than one occasion he found himself thinking about her laugh, her expressive face and eyes, and those lashes and those lips.He thinks she’s becoming less indifferent to him.

He makes plans to see her under the pretense of needing proofreading help on the day he gets back to New York. When he arrives at her building, he’s surprised to see her waiting on the front steps and he can’t help but grin at her, all bundled up and a gray knit hat with a big white pom pom pulled down to her eyebrows 

“Hey Covey.”

“Hey.”She’s suddenly shy. 

She looks so beautiful and luminous in the the light of the street lamps and she’s giving him that dimpled smile that does things to his belly and before Peter can stop himself, he reaches out and brushes the side of her face.Her eyes widen in surprise, and he draws his hand back quickly.

He tries to recover.“It’s cold.Want to go up?” 

“Sure.” She smiles at him.

When they get inside, they end up settling on the sofa.Lara Jean is concentrating on reading his essay while he starts another outline for Torts.She pretends not to notice when the side of Peter’s thigh touches hers, and he immediately jerks it away.After a split second, she feels the gentle pressure of it again, warm and steadfast against hers, sending a delicious thrill up her spine.

* * *

On the day of Tyler’s party, Lara Jean is running late so Peter hangs out in her apartment while she finishes getting ready.

“I’m going to change,” she says, handing him her phone and a tube of lip gloss.She hardly carries a bag anymore when they go out at night together, opting to stuff her things in Peter’s pockets. 

“It’s cold and windy, Covey.Dress warmly.”He’s looking on the coat rack for her warm coat when he feels one of the phones buzzing in his coat pocket.He takes it out and sees a picture of Dan and his name and shoves it quickly back into his coat.He tries to ignore the powerful surge of jealousy that rushes through his body.

“Okay I’m almost ready,” she sounds muffled through her room door.When she comes out, he silently helps her into her coat and as she smiles her thanks to him, he feels completely deflated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your comments! Please let me know your thoughts
> 
> ___________________
> 
> Chapter title from "Fire" by Waxahatchee


	5. It ain't enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She laughs, and lets him lead her to the dance floor. She starts dancing, smiling at him, raising her arms and moving her hips to the rhythm. She looks so good on the dance floor that he stops to watch her move. She grabs his hands and pulls him closer and starts shaking her shoulders and throwing her head back, making him laugh. He pulls her in by her waist, wanting to close the space between them and she throws her arms around his neck, both of them oblivious to everyone around them.

At the party, Peter leans against the wall with his hands in his pockets.He’s watching Lara Jean mingle, her hair loose and shining in the light and the sound of her laughter tinkling above the music.She’s wearing a short dress printed with huge red flowers and it’s cinched at the waist, showing off the curve of backside, and her ribbed tights and tall boots draw attention to where the hem of her dress skims her mid thigh.He can’t take his eyes off of her.

She feels his eyes tracking her and makes her way back to him.

“Why are you being such a wallflower?” She teases with a playful smile.

“I’m just not into it today,” he says.

“Are you okay?”She peers into his face.“We can leave anytime you want.You know I’d love to be home in my pajamas right now.”

The crowd is getting more raucous and people are dancing and cheering to the music. All of a sudden, he’s determined to have a good time and not let the night end preemptively.

“Come on, Covey, let’s dance!”

“What?You were so broody a second ago.”

“Yeah, and this will make me feel better.Don’t be a party pooper.”

She laughs, and lets him lead her to the dance floor.She starts dancing, smiling at him, raising her arms and moving her hips to the rhythm.She looks so good on the dance floor that he stops to watch her move.She grabs his hands and pulls him closer and starts shaking her shoulders and throwing her head back, making him laugh.He pulls her in by her waist, wanting to close the space between them and she throws her arms around his neck, both of them oblivious to everyone around them.

* * *

At Amber’s insistence, Lara Jean asks Peter to her friends’ monthly potluck. This is the first time she’s attending since the Alex debacle, and although she’s excited to go, she is nervous about bringing Peter into the fold and having to keep up the farce and be dishonest to people she cares about.

She spends most of the day baking an elaborate gingerbread layer cake, and when Peter comes to pick her up, she’s piping frosting on the top.

“Holy shit.That looks amazing.”

“Thanks, I hope it’s good.”

“Is there any extra?I could be persuaded to try some right now.”

“You think I made an extra cake?”She raises her eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, I kind of do.Did you?”

She pulls out a cupcake and hands it to him, smiling.

His grin stretches over his face.“See, I knew it.You always got me.”He eats it in two big bites.“Mmmmm…. what is that?It tastes like Christmas.”

“It’s gingerbread.” 

“I love it.It’s my new favorite.”

She laughs, using her fingers to brush the crumbs off his cheeks.“You say that every time.”

When they get to Amber’s, everyone is chatting and laughing, and as Lara Jean expected, Peter charms everyone and within minutes he’s joking around and talking like he’s known them forever.She busies herself helping Amber and Joe by setting out utensils and plates. She goes into the kitchen to find the ice bucket and while she rinses it out, her mind wanders off.She’s startled when she suddenly feels Peter’s warmth next to her. 

“Do you need any help?”

“Oh, sure.Do you want to dry this and fill it with ice?”She smiles sweetly at him, and when she turns her arm brushes his, and he becomes keenly aware of that ever present low lying desire that’s been simmering ever since he reconnected with her.He swallows hard and goes to get the ice from the freezer.

After dinner, everyone scatters around the small living room.Peter is sitting on an armchair and Lara Jean comes and perches on the armrest, talking to Amber about the story she’s workshopping. He looks at her profile, her lashes long and her lips full and listens to her earnest, sweet voice.And when Amber gets up to take her glass and Lara Jean loses her balance and falls into his lap, he feels her pressed up against him, radiating heat and her supple perfect body fitting compactly within his, he knows at that moment she’s going to wreck him.

* * *

Lara Jean has been dreading this day, but she knows she has to end this before it gets too complicated. She’s still recovering from all of the drama with Alex, and she does not want todelve into her feelings for Peter, no matter how dreamy he is, no matter how sweet and sexy, especially since he is not even really available.She needs to give herself a chance to be fully single and alone for a hot minute before entertaining the idea of a relationship.She wants to pull the brakes quickly before her heart puts her in a vulnerable place again.

And most importantly,she is resolute about not jeopardizing her friendship with him in any way.It’s too valuable to her.

Covey: Can we go to coffee today?

Peter: Sure. Third Rail?You name the time.

Covey: Sounds good.10:00.See you soon.

He’s waiting at a table for her with a big smile on his face and her coconut milk latte is already placed on the table across from his seat.She swallows hard when she sees him, with his messy curls and bedroom eyes and sweet, goofy smile.

“Hi.”She tries to smile.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She takes a sip of her latte and then decides to just get it over with.“I just wanted to talk to you about us.I mean, our, uh, relationship.”

“Oh.” He looks worried.

“I think we need to call it,” she says in a quiet voice. 

“Oh, uh, have you found someone?”His eyes are big and sad.

“What?No, well,” She wants to be honest. “Not really..…I think it’s just getting too complicated for me.And Alex is out of the picture, and I know I’ll be backing out on my part of the deal, but I just can’t do it anymore.Or I know I shouldn’t…”

And then to her utter dismay, she bursts into tears. 

“I’m sorry, Peter.I really am.I want to do this for you, but I just can’t anymoreI hope we can still stay friends.You’re really important to me.I hope you know that. You’re one of my closest friends, and I just don’t want to not have you in my life.You’ve really saved me at one of my lowest points, and I can’t imagine my life without you.”Her tears are flowing and she’s not even trying to contain them anymore. 

He comes around to her side of the table and puts his arm around her and looks into her dark almond eyes.He feels like he’s been sucker punched, but he sees her sadness and the tears, and says as gently as he can, in a voice that he doesn’t recognize,

“Of course we can stay friends.You’re my biffle, Covey.”And he gives her a smile and rubs her shoulder.

She smiles through her tears, and feels a pang in her stomach.Again, he’s trying to make her smile, comforting her, letting her know it’s okay.“You are so sweet Peter.I really love you.”And she gently cups his face in her hands and kisses both of his cheeks and gives him the tightest hug she can muster.“Okay, I’ll see you around,” she whispers, smoothing his hair off his forehead and then gathering her bag and hurrying out.

Peter sits motionless, not even bothering to wipe the dampness from her tears off his cheeks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, readers! I love reading your comments. 
> 
> ____________________
> 
> Title of chapter from "Fire" by Waxahatchee


	6. Will you let me believe that I broke through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She blushes and then says, “I don’t want to make any assumptions but I want to tell you that I’m not really ready for anything right now.”
> 
> “That’s okay. I’m pretty patient.” He grins at her. “I’m good at being patient. I’m good at a lot of things Lara Jean. You’ll see.”
> 
> Her eyes widen and she blushes some more. “I have to get to class soon.”
> 
> He has to get back to work so they head to the door together, and Lara Jean can sense that Peter is still watching her. She turns briefly and gives him a small wave and a smile, and he just nods at her and turns back to his table.

It’s ironic that this “break up” has taken such a toll on Peter.He’s disoriented, and now that he doesn’t see Lara Jean, his days drag on.He underestimated how much of an impact she’s made on his life, even subconsciously.He catches himself remembering funny things to tell her after class and he often has to stop himself from making her coffee order. The other day he found himself walking to pick her up from workshop, and it was only after he got halfway there that he realized it and turned back around, feeling dejected and alone.

Despite her situation, Lara Jean brought so much light and beauty into his world.He never laughed so hard or so often than when he was with her, and she opened his eyes to so much. She made him happy.He wishes that he had told her that.

* * *

Lara Jean is determined to pull herself together and work to become her best self.At Margot’s suggestion, she started seeing a therapist regularly to work out her feelings surrounding the Alex drama.She’s been trying to eat better and drink less coffee and just make decisions that that make her feel better.She’s going to yoga regularly and making an effort to see friends.

She’s using a lot of her downtime to reflect, and she often thinks about Peter and how he was a real blessing to her, taking her on, completely accepting her in a broken state and seeing the best in her.She smiles, thinking about all the times he cajoled her to take a walk or go out for a snack and she feels a deep regret that she never readily agreed.When did he ask anything of her other than to spend time together?And he probably knew that time was healing for her.

She hears her phone buzz, and she quickly picks it up, hoping that it is Peter. 

Dan: I’m sorry.I’m running a few minutes late.See you soon.

Ugh.She forgot about lunch plans.She doesn’t want to go at all, but she’s pushed this off long enough. She decides to make the best of it and takes time getting ready, choosing her outfit carefully and putting on some lipstick.

When she gets to the restaurant, Dan is waiting outside for her. 

“LJ!It’s good to see you!” He gives her a quick hug.“Let’s get you inside.It’s freezing.”

They get a booth by the window and time goes by quickly as they laugh over college memories.Lara Jean sips her green tea and smiles at him.“I’m glad we did this.”

“Yeah, it’s unbelievable that we’ve both been in the city this long and haven’t met up.”

“I should be better about keeping up with everyone.I kind of went dark on social media.”

She excuses herself to use the bathroom, and when she reaches the alcove, she feels someone behind her.She turns around, and is engulfed in a huge hug.It’s Peter.She closes her eyes and breathes in his aftershave.

“Peter?” She says, her voice quavering a little.

“Hey Covey,” he smiles at her.His strong arms are still holding onto her, but he moves his torso back so he can see her face.

“Are you good?” He asks, his eyes searching hers.She looks down.“Yeah.You?”

“Yeah.”He’s still holding onto her, and before she can stop herself she’s leaning into him and resting her head on his chest and he immediately pulls her tighter to him.She can feel his heart beating against her cheek.

“I better go,” she says.

“Okay.”He releases her and as she starts backing away he touches one side of her waist to stop her.

“Wait, I wanted to tell you something.I didn’t get a chance to say it the last time we, uh, talked.”She waits for him to finish.“I know you thought you were a hot mess or something with everything going on, but you know, you made me the happiest that I’ve been in a long time.You didn’t bring me down, okay?You made everything so much better.You’re like this light, Lara Jean.You are.”

She blinks fast.Her heart feels so heavy, like it might burst.“Peter, I feel the same way about you,” she says softly.

When she gets back to her table, she feels Peter’s eyes on her from across the restaurant.

“Everything okay?” Dan asks kindly.

“Yeah, uh, I just ran into a friend.”

“Isn’t he the guy you were dating when I saw you at Amelie’s?”He glances over at Peter, who is still staring at her.

“Um, not anymore.”

“Oh,” he picks up a piece of nigiri and looks at her.“So you’re not seeing anyone right now?”

“Not really.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” he says, his blue eyes are intense.

She blushes and then says, “I don’t want to make any assumptions but I want to tell you that I’m not really ready for anything right now.”

“That’s okay.I’m pretty patient.” He grins at her. “I’m good at being patient.I’m good at a lot of things Lara Jean.You’ll see.”

Her eyes widen and she blushes some more.“I have to get to class soon.”

He has to get back to work so they head to the door together, and Lara Jean can sense that Peter is still watching her.She turns briefly and gives him a small wave and a smile, and he just nods at her and turns back to his table.

* * *

Lara Jean is heading to class,walking down the street in front of her building when she hears Peter calling her name.He’s jogs up to her.

“Lara Jean, can I walk with you?”

“Sure,” she smiles at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, I was hoping to run into you.”

They walk in silence for a while until she turns to him abruptly and says, “I miss our walks.”

“Me too.”He draws in a breath. “A lot.”And then he blurts out, “Are you seeing Dan?”

“Huh?No.Why?”

“When we broke up you said “not really” when I asked if you found someone.”

She doesn’t reply right away and gives him a sidelong glance and jokes,“Are you jealous?”

He stops walking and looks at her.“Yeah, I guess I am.”

She looks at him in surprise. 

“Can we be real with each other?We may have been fake dating, but a lot of what was between us was real, and I think you can agree with that.”He looks at her, and she nods.

“So just so I’m clear, I need to know. Did you end things with me so you can hang out with Dan?”

“Peter, these plans have been in the works since we saw him at Amelie’s months ago!”

“Well he’s into you.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So you could have told me that you’re ending things because you want to go out with guys.”

“I’m not going out with guys, Peter, but I can, you know.I ended things with you because it was getting too complicated.I was totally honest with you.”

“What’s complicated?”

“Well, why exactly was I continuing it after Alex got back together with Carrie?”

He doesn’t say anything.

“I think I started fooling myself about what was going on, and I could see that I would be jeopardizing my friendship with you if I let it go further.”

“That’s ridiculous.I think you’re jeopardizing our friendship by cutting me off.”

“Oh really?It’s ridiculous?Like if I hook up with my close friend, like my _best friend,_ my friend who wants to avoid girls so much that he pretends he’s in a relationship with me while I’m still traumatized by my ex-boyfriend, that would be great for our friendship?”

He’s taken aback, but he smiles.“Wait, you want to hook up with me?”

She snorts.“Peter, stay with me.Your ego is making you sidebar.Come on, you know that we’d end up in weird territory after a while.Or maybe you are impervious to it, but I definitely could see it going down that road for me.And in the end, I’d lose everything.I was serious when I said I can’t lose you.”

He’s quiet for the rest of the walk until they’re a block away from her class.He gently pulls her by a storefront and says, “You’ve been through a lot, and I don’t want to pressure you.I’ve been walking on eggshells around you because I don’t want to make things harder on you.But you need to know where I stand.I want you.I’m waiting for you to be ready.I’ve been using all of my self control to keep my distance, but you should know that I’ve been waiting to show you how much I want you.And you know by now that we are great as friends, but when you’re ready I’m going to show you how great we are in other ways, too.”Peter’s eyes are trained on hers and his heated gaze is hitting her hard. 

“So fuck Dan and whoever else because when you’re ready, you know it’s going to be me, Covey.And stop being so melodramatic about losing me or our friendship.I’m not going anywhere.You’re going to be late to class. Let's go.”

And she follows him, stunned and open-mouthed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much, readers! I love hearing your thoughts. 
> 
> _________________________
> 
> Chapter title is from "Fire" by Waxahatchee


	7. As I move in close to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is driving Lara Jean crazy. He’s not acting any differently, but now that she knows how he feels, she is conscious of this underlying heat that surrounds them whenever they’re together. It’s impossible to ignore, and she’s having trouble thinking about anything else. And when he leans over her, or brushes past her, or looks at her with his soft dreamy eyes, she just wants to forget about everything and climb on top of him and beg him to show her how much he does want her. 

Peter is driving Lara Jean crazy.He’s not acting any differently, but now that she knows how he feels, she is conscious of this underlying heat that surrounds them whenever they’re together.It’s impossible to ignore, and she’s having trouble thinking about anything else.And when he leans over her, or brushes past her, or looks at her with his soft dreamy eyes, she just wants to forget about everything and climb on top of him and beg him to show her how much he does want her. 

But she’s exercising restraint and trying to do the right thing.She tries not to be alone with himtoo much or get too close when he’s around because she is losing trust in her inhibitions. 

The other thing that makes her nuts is that Peter doesn’t _ask_ anymore.He texts often and shows up at school and her apartment unannounced, and makes plans, even plans with friends, without consulting her.He’s taking total control and even though it’s rude and bossy and it annoys her, it is unexpectedly hot and does absolutely nothing to quell the crazy tension between them.

Her phone buzzes.

Peter: Don’t forget we’re going to Central Park today after your yoga class.

She sighs and then starts rummaging in the hall closet to find her hat and gloves.

* * *

It’s starting to flurry, so Peter waits inside the yoga studio while the class finishes up.When he glances in, he sees her doing downward dog in her ridiculously tight and sexy yoga clothes (why does she wear so many backless things???) and he feels lightheaded.God, he’s so sexually frustrated.It’s been _months_ since he’s been with anyone, and he only wants to be with her, and this is fucking torturous.He’s not going to make a move until she’s ready, but she might kill him in the meantime.He’s already half dead. 

“Hey,” she says.She’s sweating and strands of hair have escaped from her ponytail and are sticking to the back of her neck.Peter has a fierce urge to take his tongue and lap up the sweat on throat and then run it along the edge of her jaw and suck on her -

“Peter?”

“Huh? What?”He’s hot now and is trying to focus on the wall behind her.

“I’m going to need a few minutes to get changed.”

“Uh okay.Take your time.”

When she comes out of the changing room, Peter is relieved that she’s all bundled up.Her body is completely hidden and even her neck is covered with a thick scarf.He decides he’s going to try to pretend she’s a dude for the rest of the day.

* * *

They’re taking a study break outside the library one evening, and it’s so cold that they can see their breath in the air as they talk.

“When are you going home for Christmas?” Peter asks.

“Probably not until a few days before.When are you leaving?”

“Same.”

“Oh really?” She smiles and raises her eyebrows.

“Yes, really.” He grins at her.

“Okay, Peter.” 

“Okay, Lara Jean.”

“So how are you getting home?”

“Probably the same way you are.”

She laughs.

“You are too much!”

“Covey, this is what friends do.You said I was your best friend, right?So friends, especially _best friends,_ travel together when they’re going to the same place.They coordinate plans.”

“I think ‘coordinate’ is an interesting choice of words.”

“How so?”

“Because I don’t think you’ve been doing much coordinating lately.”As she’s talking, the wind picks up a little and she turns her face away from the darkness and into the light from the entryway.Her lips are red and her eyes are so dark and beautiful, and even in her bulky winter wear she is just so naturally gorgeous and feminine.And Peter wants to reach out and pull her into him so badly but he stuffs his hands in his pockets instead.“You’ve been making plans by yourself and telling me where and when to show up.”

“Hmmmmm…. Maybe it’s because I know how much you like to say no.”His voice is lower now and he’s moving closer, and Lara Jean is getting flushed.

“I do?” She looks up at him under her lashes.

“Yeah, you do.”His voice is husky and his face is so close to hers that the tips of their noses are almost touching, and she can feel his warm breath on her face.“And I kind of like it.Actually I really like it.I like that you want to say no to me.”

“You do?”She half whispers.She can’t believe how hot she is on this frigid night.

“Yeah, because when you say yes it’s going to be epic.”

Her heart is thumping so hard that she’s sure he can hear it, or even feel it.She takes a breath and says softly, “Peter, maybe you should brace yourself because there might be a lot of yes’s in your future.”

He closes his eyes for a second as he swallows hard.“Don’t mess around with me Covey.I’m weak right now.”

“You started it,” she says with a sexy little smirk. 

He doesn’t even know what game they’re playing now, but he’s loving it.He’s been turned upside down ever since Lara Jean Covey came back into his life, and he’s leaning in all the way. He doesn’t even care that it’s obvious that he's so thirsty for her and that he can’t see straight because he wants her so much and that he might die from being so turned on all the time by a girl he hasn’t kissed since he was twelve. None of this matters because he’s feeling itand he’s going to keep her close and let her torture him until she’s ready to be his.

* * *

Lara Jean opens the door and calls, “I’m home!”

She hears Kitty thunder down the stairs.“Hey!How’d you get here?”

“Oh, I got a ride.”

“I was expecting you to call me for a ride from the train station.”

“Oh, sorry, um it was last minute change of plans.Hey, come here, give me a hug!”

“Okay, back it up.You have to ration the physical affection.You know I’m only capable of so much.”

Lara Jean laughs.“God, fine.Let me squeeze you now, and I won’t hug you again until Christmas Day.”

“All right,” Kitty grumbles and she stays still as Lara Jean hugs her tightly.

The doorbell rings, and Kitty rushes to answer.“Dad’s gift is supposed to be delivered today.It’s been backordered.” 

Lara Jean starts taking inventory of the refrigerator.She came home so close to Christmas that she’ll have to get started right away if she wants to turn out some baked goods for the family.

“Lara Jean?” Kitty calls.“Um, you have a friend here.”

“What?”

She scurries out of the kitchen and Peter is standing in the entryway, holding her suitcase.“Hey, you left this in the trunk.”

“Oh.Thanks.”

Kitty raises her eyebrows.“So this was your ride?”

“Yes.Kitty, you know Peter, right?He’s Owen’s brother?”

“Yeah, of course I do.I didn’t know you guys were friends.”

“Oh, I haven’t mentioned it?We uh reconnected at school.Peter’s at law school at NYU.”

“Hmmm, that’s interesting that you didn’t mention it.”

Peter is insulted that Kitty has no idea that he exists, but he pulls himself together and grins, “Yeah Covey, that’s interesting.”

Lara Jean huffs and says, “Thanks for bringing my bag, Peter,” hoping he’ll get the hint and leave. 

There is no way he’s letting her off easy. 

“Oh, you’re welcome, Lara Jean. My pleasure.” He grins again, and just stands there, looking entertained as she squirms.

“Bye Peter,” she says loudly, walking him to the door.

“Wait,” Kitty calls out. “You should come over tomorrow.For dinner.Dad and Trina have his work party.”

Lara Jean glares at her over her shoulder.

“I’d love that.Good seeing you again Kitty.Bye, Lara Jean.”He’s so smug that she wants to scream. 

Covey: You really don’t have to come here for dinner tomorrow.  
Peter: I really don’t want to, but I’ll force myself because I don’t want to be rude.   
Covey: You’re really annoying.   
Peter: You know best friends hang out with each other’s families, right?   
Covey: Shut up Peter.   
Peter: So you should probably come by and see Mom and Owen.   
Covey:…..

She’s trying to type a response, but Peter’s too quick.

Peter: I’ll tell them you’ll stop by the day after Christmas.I’m going to bed now.Sweet dreams.

* * *

Lara Jean looks over at Peter and Kitty laughing loudly at an old SNL episode while shoving pizza in their mouths.“You guys, this isn’t a frat house,” she says, rolling her eyes. 

“Lara Jean, don’t act like such a breeder.I swear, you’re as bad as Margot now.I don’t know why both of my sisters are the biggest moos.” Kitty snarks.

Lara Jean sighs and moves to the kitchen to finish making her sugar cookie dough.

Peter comes in with dirty plates.

“Why are you so grumpy, Covey?”

“Because you’re being a little extra,” she says, vigorously shaping the dough into a ball.

“I am?”He smirks.

“Yeah, just coming here and acting so comfortable and being charming - ”

He smiles.“I’m charming?”

“God, Peter.”

“What?I can’t help it.You want to hook up with me _and_ I’m charming?”

She just huffs and focuses on the dough.

He reaches around her to put the plates in the sink and then stands in back of her.

“Maybe you would be less uncomfortable with me being around if you had let people know that we hang out.”

She turns and looks at him. 

“We spend a lot of time together, so it’s a little strange that your sister doesn’t even know that we’re friends.”

“Are you mad?”

“No.Why would I be mad?I get why you didn’t tell her.”

She doesn’t respond and turns back to the counter, and feels him step in closer to her and then he speaks quietly, his breath warm next to her ear.

“Because you’re feeling it Covey.I know you are.You think that if you don’t say it out loud it might just go away.It’s not.” He sees her back tense, and he resists the impulse to pull her hips back into his and push her shirt up and nibble up her spine.

* * *

The next night, Chris convinces Lara Jean to meet her at a bar.They squeal and jump up and down and hug when they see each other and settle in at a small table.Chris has been traveling nonstop, so they haven’t seen each other for almost a year.

They catch up when Chris suddenly says, “Wait, is that PK and Trevor?”

Lara Jean sighs and looks up.Sure enough, Peter and Trevor are sitting at the bar. She wills them not to turn around.She doesn’t know if she can take another night of Peter’s smugness and sexiness, and she really doesn’t want to tell Chris about any of it yet.

“Yo, PK!Trevor!” Chris calls.

They turn around, and Lara Jean sees that grin and is unsuccessful in her attempt to not smile back.

“Hey ladies,” Trevor says, pulling up a chair.“What’s up?”

“You know what?I forgot that you are both in New York now.You should link up,” Chris says looking at Lara Jean and Peter.

Lara Jean fiddles with her napkin.

“Oh, Chris, you don’t know?We hang out a lot together now.We’re good friends now,” Peter says, smirking while Lara Jean cringes.Here we go again.

“Wait,you are?” 

“Yeah, in fact, Lara Jean calls me her best friend.” 

“Fuck you, Kavinsky.I’m her best friend!”

He shrugs and smiles, tilting back in his chair.“Her words, not mine.”

“Chris, don’t pay attention to him.Anyway, we should get going soon, right?It’s getting late.”

“Hell no!They’re going to have live music here.You’re staying out tonight.I never get to hang out with you.”

“Does anyone want to play darts?” Trevor asks, gesturing to the dart board that’s on the wall close to their table.

“I do!” Chris gets up quickly.

Lara Jean and Peter watch as a competitive game of darts unfolds.Chris is a fierce competitor and overly invested in the game, and Trevor starts egging her on.He’s clearly the better player, and Chris is getting more and more worked up.Peter looks at Lara Jean and raises his eyebrows.“I don’t think this is going to end well for either of them.”

“Ohhhhh, Chris, almost!” Trevor grins. 

Chris turns around and walks deliberately over to Trevor and stabs her darts into the wallet he left on the hightop next to him.“Eat a bag of dicks, Trevor.”

They all stare at her open-mouthed.

“Yikes, Chris!” Lara Jean laughs hysterically, and Chris starts laughing, too.

The band starts playing and Chris suddenly pulls on Lara Jean’s arm.“Come on LJ, let’s get this party started.”

“All right, all right, let’s go.” Lara Jean says, laughing.

“Watch and learn, ladies,” Chris smirks as they make their way onto the dance floor.

Peter smiles as he watches them laugh and dance, both of them so confident and uncaring on the empty dance floor.

“I’m never playing darts with that girl again,” Trevor says, shaking his head.“She’s scary.”

As the night goes on, the dance floor gets more crowded and Peter sees that some guys are dancing close to them.He gets up from his seat abruptly and says, “Let’s go find them.”He quickly makes his way over to Lara Jean and dances closer to her, putting one hand on her waist and smiling down at her.

Before she knows it, his hand is a little lower, and his body a little closer and his eyes are intense and dark.She averts her gaze because it’s getting too heated.She can’t even hear the music anymore, everything is a faint buzz in her ear as she gets lost in Peter’s touch and the warmth emanating from his body.

Chris whispers, “Girl, you have some explaining to do,” as she walks by, her eyes wide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that my posting schedule is so erratic. I'm trying to balance a big work project and editing this fic before posting. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks as always for your comments and kudos! 
> 
> _______________________
> 
> Title of chapter from "Fire" by Waxahatchee.


	8. That's what I wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She takes a deep breath and exhales. She’s getting tired of this - his bossiness, his self satisfaction when he makes her react, his extreme cockiness, and the feeling that he’s in control. She knows what she has to do.

Chris comes over the next day, and they open a bottle of wine and look at magazines while they chat.

“So, what’s going on with you and PK?”

“Uh, nothing.We’re friends.”

“Friends in heat?”

Lara Jean flushes and doesn’t reply.

“Why don’t you just go for it?He clearly wants you.The way he looks at you is almost pornographic.”

“Chris, you know what happened with Alex.…I’m taking some time to make sure I’m ready before I get into another relationship.”

“Okay, I get that.But look, from my point of view, and pretty much everyone else in that bar, it was pretty clear that you’re more than ready.You’re fucking ripe, LJ.”

Lara Jean laughs.“Is it that obvious?”

“Oh god, I felt like you guys were going to burn the place down.I don’t even like Peter that much and I felt sorry for him.”

Kitty barges in.“Are you guys talking about Peter?”

Chris nods.

“Lara Jean, just get over yourself and do him.”

Lara Jean shoots her a dirty look.“Kitty, seriously.You are so crude.”

Chris chimes in, “She’s right, though.This isn’t healthy.You need to get laid.”

“But what if it becomes complicated and we lose the friendship we have?There’s no turning back.”

Kitty snorts.“Newsflash.Friends don’t drool over each other constantly and gross everyone out with their intense horniness.You already are past the point of friends.Get over it.”

* * *

Peter: I’m coming to pick you up tonight at 7.  
Covey: For what?   
Peter: Our best friends Christmas dinner.   
Covey: ….   
Peter:Wear a dress. Oh no I’m losing reception.See you later. 

He’s impossible.

“Kitty, do you want to go out to dinner with me and Peter tonight?” Lara Jean asks hopefully.

“And watch you guys be disgusting?Blech.No thanks.I have plans with Sarah anyway.”

LJ: Want to come out to dinner tonight?   
Chris: I can’t.I’m going to see my grandma.   
LJ: How about for a little while?   
Chris: Is Peter going to be there?   
LJ: …..   
Chris: Man up LJ.   
Chris: And I want details later. Get it girl.🍆

She takes a deep breath and exhales. She’s getting tired of this - his bossiness, his self satisfaction when he makes her react, his extreme cockiness, and the feeling that he’s in control.She knows what she has to do.

That evening she takes extra care getting ready, choosing a fitted dark red dress that has a lace bodice with a textured knit bottom and a nude lining.She pulls out some big hammered gold earrings and finds her nude suede heels that have little ties in the back.She keeps her hair straight and down and puts on a red lip and carefully lines her eyes.

When Peter rings the doorbell, her dad answers, and she can hear them talking as she comes down.As she reaches the bottom of the stairs, she sees Peter looking at her wide-eyed, and she smiles smugly.It’s working.

“Hi Peter,” she coos. 

“Dad, you remember Peter Kavinsky, right?We played when we were little.”

“I sure do,” Dr. Covey says warmly.“It’s good to see that you are friends again.Have fun tonight.”

“Thanks, Dad.I won’t be too late.”

She takes her coat off the hook and turns to Peter.“Are you ready?”

He wordlessly helps her into her coat and mumbles goodbye to her dad.

When he opens the door to the car, she gets as close as she can to him without touching and smiles, satisfied, when she hears him let out a breath.

“So,” she says, leaning close to him, her hair brushing his arm a little, “where are we going?”

Peter grips the steering wheel, and says quietly, without looking at her, “I made reservations at that new Italian place in town.Is that okay?”

“Oh good, that sounds like the perfect best friends Christmas dinner.”She smiles at him, and then she leans over closer to him and rubs the skin in back of his ear.“There, you had a piece of lint or something.”

He’s so turned on right now that he can’t look at her.He knows she’s messing with him and it’s totally working, but he’s not going to give her the satisfaction of seeing how unraveled he is. He clears his throat.“Thanks.”

When get seated at their table, Peter keeps his eyes on the menu and tries to ignore Lara Jean’s attempts to get under his skin.He feels her move her leg next to his under the table, and when he glances down, he sees the heel of her shoe running up his calf.He draws in a breath and collects himself.He smiles at her and says, “What looks good to you?”

She smirks, “I’m thinking about the branzini.”She’s stills her foot and rests it lightly on his leg and smiles at him.“What about you?”

“The gnocchi.” He says with a clenched jaw.

“Oh, that sounds good,” she says, flipping her hair over her shoulder and smiling at him again.

“Do you want the Ripasso to drink?”

“Yes, please.”And her heel starts sliding up his calf again.

He focuses on the bread basket, buttering a roll violently and then taking huge bites of it.

She looks at him and raises her eyebrows, a corner of her mouth turning up.“Is it that good?”

He nods, not trusting his voice.He’s not going to make it through this meal.

She’s taking her time eating and enjoying watching him squirm.Her heel is still on his leg and she keeps leaning over the table and touching his arm and his hand while she talks about who-knows-what while he nods his head like an idiot.He’s so turned on that he doesn’t have the brainpower to listen to her right now. All he wants to do is crawl under the table, push up that dress and bury his face between her legs.

“Are you done?” He’s hopeful.

“Hmmm… no I don’t think so.I want to have dessert.”She’s enjoying this.

“You do?” He needs to get out of here.That is, if he can stand up without giving everyone an eyeful.

“Yeah, I do.What’s a best friends Christmas dinner without dessert?” She asks, smiling widely.

He sighs. 

“Do you want to share the panna cotta?” She asks him, still smiling.

“Uh, fine.” 

When the dessert comes, she pulls the plate in front of her, and takes a spoonful and leans over the table, revealing a bit of her cleavage.“Peter, open up,” she says softly. _Jesus._

He’s wide-eyed and silent, but he opens his mouth obediently.“Oops, I spilled some,” she says, bringing her index and middle finger to the corner of his mouth and slowly brushing over his bottom lip and then bringing them into her own mouth.“Mmmm…. it’s so good, right?”

“Covey, seriously…. You have to stop.”

“Stop what?” she says with round innocent eyes.

“Lara Jean,” he says quietly, “you know what you’re doing.I’m losing my mind.I’m going to embarrass myself.”

“Peter, you’ve been messing with me for weeks!”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“I’m trying to convince you to just hurry up and be with me and stop being in denial about what’s going on between us.But you already know how bad I want you and you’re making me suffer right now.”He runs his hand through his hair and rubs his forehead.“I can barely function lately.I love spending time with you, but it’s hard enough not to be able to be with you in the way I want.It’s all I’ve been thinking about.And tonight you’re trying to kill me.”

“So basically you can dish it out but can’t take it?”She rests her foot on him again, this time digging into his calf with the point of her heel.She sees him stiffen a little and she smirks again.

He says in a low voice, “I really can’t,” as he reaches one arm down under the table and takes her heel and pulls it towards him, running his hand over her ankle and up the inside of her calf and then brushing his knuckles under her knee.She gasps in surprise, and looks at him with wide eyes, a wave of heat rushing over her and making her feel weak.She instinctively tries to pull her leg away, but he keeps a firm grip on it.He’s not taking his eyes of hers as he keeps grazing her leg with his knuckles, feeling her tense up and then when she becomes completely pliant in his hand, he squeezes his eyes shut.“ _God_ , you make me so crazy.”

* * *

They take the long way back to the car, strolling past all decorated storefronts.Lara Jean has already moved past the headiness of the dinner and is now exclaiming over all the Christmas decorations and lights while Peter stands back and watches her dumbly.

He shows her his mom’s shop window display, and as she looks her eyes light up and her mouth curves into a sweet closed mouth smile.As usual, Peter can’t take his eyes off her.He can’t believe how this this girl has waylaid him.Her sweetness, intellect, and beauty combined with her reluctance to indulge him in anything and her incomparable sex appeal undoes him completely. He’s never had more fun or been more frustrated or overwhelmed in his life, and he’s pretty sure he hasn’t loved anything more. 

“Lara Jean?”

She turns to him with that smile, dimples out, making his stomach seize.

“Merry Christmas,” he hands her a black velvet box tied with a red satin ribbon.

“Peter….” She opens it and gasps.It’s a gold locket on a delicate chain.She’s stunned.

“Open it,” he says softly.

She carefully opens it and inside there is a tiny piece of something green.

“It’s a piece of the mistletoe from our second kiss,” he says as he closes the locket and clasps the chain around her neck, loving the feeling of her hair on his hands.

“What?We never -”

He leads her under the portico of the building.“See?” He says looking up at the mistletoe hanging down with from the ceiling with a wide red ribbon. “Can I?” He asks quietly, his eyes so intense.She nods and tilts her face up to his.He takes a breath and puts one hand on her soft cheek and the other on the back of her head, bringing her face to his as he leans down.He brushes his lips on hers, savoring the sensation of her soft full lips.He feels her sigh and push her body against his.When he opens his eyes, he sees her eyes are still closed and lips are parted, and she’s pulling him down by his neck for more.“You need to tell me,” his voice is husky, his mouth hovering over hers.“Hmmm?” Her eyelids are fluttering. 

“Tell me you’re ready for me.”

She opens her eyes, and looks up at him.“I’m ready,” she says, breathless, bringing her lips closer to his.

“No, say it’s for me.”

She smiles and shakes her head in disbelief, and lets out a little laugh.He’s so _Peter_ , so cocky and relentless in his pursuit, unwilling to settle for anything less than all of her.And as usual, her first impulse is to say no to him but she knows in the end she won’t be able to resist him.Why does she keep trying?

“I’m ready for you, Peter,” pulling on the collar of his shirt with both hands.

He grins and leans her against the door and looks down at her lips with his dreamy soft eyes, bringing up his hand to gently trace her lips with his thumb.He then finally presses his lips on hers, sliding his tongue into her mouth, becoming more heated and insistent while surrounding her with the safety of his warm strong body.She’s never felt so good and so out of control and so wanted in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, readers! I love hearing from you. 
> 
> ________________
> 
> Chapter title from "Fire" by Waxahatchee.


	9. On fire in the light of day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Part of me thinks it’s because you’re so used to girls fawning over you… So maybe it’s the thrill of the chase for you.”
> 
> “Are you kidding me? I would kill to have you throw yourself at me, and it wouldn’t make me want to be with you any less. You know I’m not just talking about sex, right? You’re everything I want.” The playfulness is gone now. His tone is insistent, and he’s not dropping eye contact. “You have to know how much I want to be with you. Don’t I show you?”

Peter and Lara Jean haven’t seen each other since that night before Christmas Eve, and she’s supposed to be coming to see his family today.Peter wants to make sure everything goes perfectly.

“Hey Mom,” he says, filling his water bottle for his morning run.

“Hi honey, did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.Uh, do you remember Lara Jean is coming today?”

Owen smirks into his cereal bowl.

“Of course I do.Is there anything I can do to make sure that the visit meets your expectations?” his mom asks, raising her eyebrows and smiling.

Owen guffaws and Peter scowls at him.

“Peter, Owen and I will be on our best behavior.”

“What are we having for dinner?”

“I was thinking salmon.Is that okay?”

“Yeah, she’ll like that. What wine do we have?”

“Go look on the rack.If you don’t think she’ll like what we have, go run out and get something else.”

“Okay, thanks,” he smiles at her.“I can help with dinner.I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

He chooses to ignore the looks Owen and their mom exchange as he heads out.

* * *

That evening, Peter insists on picking Lara Jean up.He is desperate for more alone time with her.Although he is ecstatic that they kissed, it has done nothing to take the temperature down on the insane tension he’s feeling.In some ways, the kissing has made it worse.Knowing that she’s within reach makes him feel so overcome with longing.He can’t stop thinking about that night. There was the kiss - those lips on his, her body soft and fluid in his arms, but he also is over the moon about how willingly she accepted his gift and how easily she admitted that she was ready for him.Well, he did have to prompt her, but so what?He knew that she would make him work for it.

She comes out of the house as soon as he pulls up, but he hurries out of the car to help her with the canvas bag she’s carrying. 

“Hey,” she says, smiling at him.

“Hey,” he says, leaning down and kissing her softly, surprised when she opens her mouth.He pulls her tighter to him, still holding the bag in one hand and greedily kisses her back, pushing his tongue against hers, and loving how she relaxes her chest into him. She is so small and narrow in his arms, but within that delicate exterior is a powerhouse, causing him feel shaky with desire and awe every time she’s close.She pulls away and says, breathless, “Shouldn’t we get going?”

He shakes his head a little, dazed, and says, “Sure, let’s go.”

“Okay, Peter, you have to let go of me,” she giggles.“I can’t walk.”

He silently releases her and stays quiet in the car as they drive to his house.

“Are you okay?You’re so quiet.”

His eyes are dark when he looks at her.

“I can’t stop thinking about all of things I want to be doing to you.”

She turns to face him, and he’s expecting her to shush him but instead she looks him in the eye and says, “Tell me.”

* * *

He has to get it together when they arrive at his house.He was not expecting that conversation and now he’s hot and turned on while Lara Jean looks cool and collected.It’s maddening how she’s able to make him lose his mind and then act completely unaffected, and it just turns him on more.He can’t wait for them to be alone - he's determined to make her feel as out of control as he does.

“You ready, Covey?” he asks, looking at her with those eyes that always make her feel a little weak.

“Always.”

“Are you going to behave?” He grins.

“Are _you_?”

He smirks, “I guess we’ll have to see, right?”

“I guess we will.”

She smiles up at him.He can’t believe how adorable and sexy and fun she is. 

Mrs. Kavinsky greets them with a warm smile at the door, and makes a fuss over the cookies and bottle of wine Lara Jean brought over.Peter smiles proudly and stays as close to Lara Jean as possible while Owen rolls his eyes.When he helps her off with her coat, he sees she’s wearing the locket, nestled in the little hollow of her neck, her white v-neck silk blouse calling attention to it. 

His mom gives him a knowing smile when she spots it.

“Lara Jean, it’s so good to see you after all these years.Peter cannot stop talking about you,” Mrs. Kavinsky says, as she passes her the salad bowl.

Lara Jean blushes.He’s spoken about her to his mother?This makes her feel indebted to him - his patience and persistence with her, his unexpected devotion - what has she done to deserve it?She tries to sneak a glance at him, but he’s watching her, his eyes so full of want and heat and also something else, so intense that she has to look away quickly. 

He watches her make easy conversation with his mother and brother, eating everything and complimenting the meal and wine, joking with Owen, making everyone feel comfortable.He can see his mom is impressed, as he knew she would be.

After dinner, his mother refuses their offers to help clean and shoos them away and Owen leaves to go to a friend’s house.Lara Jean sits in the den, flipping through his old high school yearbook while Peter fiddles with the bluetooth speaker, trying to connect his phone so they can listen to music. 

“Finally, it’s working.”

“What are we listening to?”

“Why? Are you judging my jock bro music taste?”He grins as he turns the volume up a little.

“Kind of,” she laughs.

“You know what?We listened to all of your music on the drive from school, and it made me want to hurt myself.”

She laughs.“I like my music angsty.” 

He starts cutting up, dancing silly to the music and comically gesturing, making her laugh."See Covey, don’t put me in a box.I can tell you like this song.Listen to the lyrics.Does it remind you of anyone?”

_‘Cause you’re so hot it’s hurting my feelings_

_I get a little lonely_

_Get a little more close to me_

_You’re the only one who knows me, babe_

_So hot you’re hurting my feelings_

_Can’t deal_

_With all the x-rated dreamin’_

“Oh you’re lonely without me, Peter? I’m that hot?Okay,” she teases.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t know how crazy you make me.”

“Part of me thinks it’s because you’re so used to girls fawning over you… So maybe it’s the thrill of the chase for you.”

“Are you kidding me?I would kill to have you throw yourself at me, and it wouldn’t make me want to be with you any less.You know I’m not just talking about sex, right?You’re everything I want.”The playfulness is gone now.His tone is insistent, and he’s not dropping eye contact.“You have to know how much I want to be with you.Don’t I show you?”

“Yeah you do, Peter.I know,” she says quietly, touched by how earnest he is.

He’s placated and smiles, happy again, and goes back to playing songs for her while she flips through the yearbook.

She turns a page and squeals.“Oh my god, Peter, look at this picture of you.”He walks over and looks down at the page, and there he is in the lacrosse team photo.“Look at your sweet face.You were so cute.”

“Oh yeah?” He smiles.“How cute?"

“The cutest.”She’s looking up at him through those lashes, talking to him in that sweet voice and it’s doing things to him.

“You’re pretty cute.”His voice is husky.

He leans down and runs his fingers over the locket on her neck and over her collarbone.He hears her sharply inhale, and when he feels her lean into his touch that familiar heated desire floods his body again, overpowering him. He presses his lips to her neck and when she sighs and pulls him closer he sinks to his knees in front of her, tossing the yearbook aside and rests his head on her lap.“God, Lara Jean, I want you so much,” his voice low and heated against her.She feels an intoxicating warmth rapidly spreading all over her -she wants nothing more than to give in to him.

“What do you want, Peter?” she asks softly, running her fingers through his curls.

His voice is muffled in her skirt.“I want to feel you,” he puts his hand between her legs, and rests it on the inside of her thigh.She catches her breath.“And I want to taste you.” He pushes up her skirt with the other hand and kisses the inside of her other thigh.He’s murmuring against her now, his breath so hot against her tights and she’s so turned on she can barely focus on what he’s saying.She whimpers a little, and he groans against her, his hot breath making her open her legs wider.He gives her wet open-mouth kisses up her thighs, then he starts licking as he gets closer to her and she leans forward, grasping his hair and keeping his head close to her.“ _Fuck…_ I can’t take it anymore.Can I?”He looks up at her and when she nods, he grabs her tights and panties and pulls them down and pushes her knees out, starting to lick and suck, moaning at her wetness and then he puts his hands on her hips to bring her closer to his mouth.“ _God, Lara Jean,_ ” he mutters as she gasps and starts bucking, her thighs trembling.“Tell me how much you want me,” he pants against her.“I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you, Peter,” she gasps between shallow breaths, her whole body shaking.“God you’re so good…. _come on_ ” he says, his mouth still on her, desperate to make her fall apart.And then he opens his eyes and watches as she comes, wanting to take in this moment. 

She’s breathing hard, looking so beautiful, all sexy and disheveled.Peter is blown away by it all, amazed by the intensity and still wanting so much more.He’s on his knees, wiping his face on his sleeve when he looks up and grins at her.

She straightens her clothes and looks at him, “Stop being so smug, Peter,” she says with a little laugh, still out of breath.

“Covey, don’t you think you should be a little more gracious, considering?”He jokes, settling next to her, his playful tone contrasting with the tender way he’s pulling her close to his chest and gently rubbing her back.

“I want to be, but it’s hard because you are so self-congratulatory,” she says into his shirt, smiling.

She feels him laugh through his chest.She loves his special mix of cockiness and neediness, the confidence and ability to read her desire for him and his pervasive need to know how much she wants him and only him.She feels this need so strongly and while at times it’s overwhelming for her, she’s beginning to develop a deep impulse to satisfy it.

“Do we have time?” She says, looking down at his lap.

“No, we’re not going to rush that - we’re going to need so much time for _that_ Covey, you don’t even know.” He says, cocky again.She shakes her head and laughs.“Okay, Peter.” 

“Hey, can you look away from me for a few minutes?I need to, uh, relax before I take you home.”

She giggles.

“Stop laughing!It’s too sexy.Don’t sexy laugh or talk or touch or look at me or anything else, okay?”

“Okay.”She smiles, stifling a giggle and moves away from him, opening the yearbook again.

Thankfully it seems like Mrs. Kavinsky is none the wiser when Lara Jean says goodbye.As he drives her home Peter looks so proud of himself that it’s obnoxious, but she finds it endearing.They grin at each other stupidly when they say goodbye, and when Peter gathers her into a bear hug, picking her up a little, she whispers in his ear, “Next time I’ll tell you what I want to do to you”She smiles wickedly at him and he swallows hard. She gives his earlobe a little bite and then says, “And then I’ll do it.” He shudders a little and holds back a moan that’s at the back of his throat. God, she’s so filthy. 

He’s so in over his head with her.He’s jumping in with his eyes closed and he doesn’t give a fuck because it feels so right and so good.He’s never worked this hard in his life, and he’s going to keep giving her all he has because every day he’s more sure that she’s the only one for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much readers! I love hearing from you.
> 
> ___________________________
> 
> Chapter title is from "Fire" by Waxahatchee.  
> Lyrics in chapter from "So Hot You're Hurting My Feelings" by Caroline Polachek


	10. I could iron out the edges of the darkest sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Covey, you know what your New Year’s resolution should be? To say yes more. To me.” There’s something underneath his playfulness. She hears the petulance, and she knows he needs her reassurance. What happened at his house was so fast and although she wanted it and loved it, she’s overwhelmed by all of it - her feelings for Peter overlapping with the Alex drama has made her head spin. And despite her hesitance to go all in with him, she can’t stay away. 
> 
> She gives him a sidelong glance and says gently, “Peter, you know I always say yes when it matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for my crazy posting schedule. I wrote this fic a while ago, and in an effort to force myself to complete it, I decided to edit as I posted. While doing so, I got so sick of it and changed it from a slow burn into something entirely different. Thanks for sticking with it and reading!

“Covey, come on, you know you want to!”They’re coming back from a movie and Peter is parking in front of her house.He has one hand on the steering wheel and he’s looking at her with pleading eyes. 

“I don’t know..…I always stay home on New Year’s.”

“But Kitty said your dad and Trina are going out anyway, and she’s going to a party.” 

“What?How do you know that?When did you talk to her?”

“We text,” he shrugs.

“God, I’m so not looking forward to you guys ganging up on me all the time.”She can’t believe that in such a short period of time Kitty and Peter have formed this alliance, an alliance that will likely cause her a lot of grief. 

He grins.“She’s cool.What can I say?Coveys can’t resist me.”He looks suggestively at her.

“Seriously, that’s gross.She’s gay - you know that.And Margot can resist anybody.It’s too bad she’s in London right now because she’d definitely put you in your place.Besides, they’re my sisters so don’t even joke about that.”

“Don’t get so jealous!I don’t want any other Covey, or any other girl for that matter.You are so territorial.God, you are too possessive with me.I feel objectified.”He’s grinning again and she bursts out laughing.

“Peter, you are too much!”

“Well remember what you said at Amelie’s?That you own me?”

She giggles. “That was when we were faking.I know I don’t own you.”

“Sometimes I feel like you do.”

“Come on!”

“I want you to own me.I want you tell me what to do,” he says, getting closer to her and nuzzling her neck a little.

She snorts.She’s scratching his head, making him hum a little because it feels so good.“You only want that in certain situations.In others, you are constantly telling me what to do!” She smiles at him.“Like now.”

“Well, maybe I’m trying to convince you to go back to New York early so we can be in that _certain_ situation.”They haven’t had a chance to be alone, alone in that way, since that time at his house, which was hurried and intense, and while he loved it, he needs more.

She laughs.“I know!You are very transparent.”

“Covey, you know what your New Year’s resolution should be?To say yes more.To me.”There’s something underneath his playfulness.She hears the petulance, and she knows he needs her reassurance.What happened at his house was so fast and although she wanted it and loved it, she’s overwhelmed by all of it - her feelings for Peter overlapping with the Alex drama has made her head spin.And despite her hesitance to go all in with him, she can’t stay away. 

She gives him a sidelong glance and says gently, “Peter, you know I always say yes when it matters.”

He’s gruff now.“So can we go back early?”

“Yes.”

* * *

Lately Lara Jean feels like she’s in a constant state of movement.Peter has so much energy and so many ideas, and he’s so sexy and fun and persuasive that she finds herself busier than she’s ever been trying to keep up with his pace.They are spending almost every minute together, and she can’t believe how quickly Peter has become ingrained in her life at home.And even though she was reticent in the beginning, she is looking forward to going back to school together and spending some time alone before school starts.

When he picks her up to head back to school, he’s so happy to see her that she becomes a little shy, struck by his openness and complete lack of pretense, showing her and telling her how he feels constantly.

“Are you always like this with girls you date?”

“Like what?”

“So expressive and sweet and emotive,” she says, smiling at him. 

“Covey, come on.You make me like this.I’ve never wanted someone so much.You’re different for me.”

His gaze is intense again, and she looks out the window.

Her eyes sting as she looks at him.“Okay,” she says softly, nodding before turning back to the window.

* * *

When they pull up to her building, Peter double parks and runs up her bags and leaves to find parking.There are flowers, a dozen red peonies addressed to her sitting on the landing - a neighbor must have brought them up.They are fully opened up, they must have been delivered days ago.She brings them in, marveling at how beautiful they are (in December!) and opens the card:

Merry Christmas, LJ.Looking forward to seeing you you in the new year. Dan

She’s taken aback.How did he even know that peonies were her favorite flower?Was this something she told him in college?She doesn’t know what to do with them.She moves them to an end table in the living room and puts a stack of books in front of them, hoping that Peter won’t notice them. 

She hears Peter ring the bell and buzzes him in.

He’s grinning.

“What?” she asks, smiling back at him.

“You know what,” he says, picking her up bridal style, making her squeal.

“Peter, I’m gross after that long drive.I need a shower.”

“Remember, your New Year’s resolution, Covey.Saying yes? You need to start working on that now, like right now,” he says and blows a raspberry onto her neck, causing her to squirm and giggle, and bringing her over to the sofa. “Don’t even think about taking a shower.What’s the point? We’re about to get so filthy.I’m going to finish what we started at my mom’s here,” he says, starting to unbutton her shirt.“And then when you get your second wind,” he looks at her pointedly, “I’m taking it next level in the bedroom.”She wants to scoff at him but who is she kidding? 

He sits down and pulls her on top of him and starts kissing her, throwing her shirt on the floor and moving his hands over her bra.She’s already feeling it, loving his touch and the urgent way he’s kissing her, open-mouthed and hot sighs in her mouth.He flips her onto the sofa.“Let’s get these off,” he says kissing her stomach and unbuttoning her jeans.He tosses a throw pillow out of his way and it hits the stack of books, making the vase fall over.

“Oh shit.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it later,” Lara Jean murmurs.

He lets go of her jeans and looks at her.“Where did you get those?”

“They were outside the door when I got here.”

“Who are they from?”

Lara Jean winces.“Dan.”

“Does he know we’re together?”

“No, I haven’t talked to him since we started this.”

“Are you planning on telling him?”

“Of course. Why are you mad?”

“You are very reluctant to tell anyone we’re together.” 

“Peter, it’s been a week!”

“But we were hanging out a lot before then.Kitty and Chris had no idea we were even friends.I know there’s a part of you that’s holding back with me.I get that…And I know you’ll get to the point where you can trust this, trust me. But you have to be able to admit to yourself we’re together and you want it first.”

“I’m working on it, Peter.I’m sorry,” she says, chastened.“You know I have these weird intimacy issues.I had them before Alex and that whole experience made it so much worse.”

He sighs. 

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Yes.I’ll text him right now.”

She types quickly on the phone and then hands it to Peter.He doesn’t look at it and immediately gives it back to her.“Lara Jean, I’m not going to look at your phone.I trust you,” he says quietly.

She’s waiting for him to leave the apartment or stalk off into another room and sulk. Instead he sits back on the sofa and looks at her.He looks so big in her tiny living room, and even in this moment, he just oozes masculinity and sexiness.His hair is messy, his eyes are following her, waiting for her to say something.

She is so tired of her dumb drama and issues right now.Why can’t she just get out of her stupid head and let go?It’s _Peter_ \- this beautiful boy who feels so deeply and wants her so much, who makes her feel weak with a look or touch. But before she can say something first, he says, “C’mere.”She sits, leaning against his chest, reaching down to pick up her shirt.He holds her wrist and says, “don’t.”She looks at him and raises her eyebrows.“Are you…still in the mood?”

“Covey, I’m always in the mood.By the way, new rule, always argue in your underwear,” he grins. She climbs back on his lap and kisses him tenderly. “You really are the horniest person I know.”

“First of all, let’s not talk about other horny people you know.That will kill the mood, even for me.And secondly, how about you?Getting off in my mom’s house? You are so dirty.My poor mother!”

“Um, as I recall, you started it.I think you know by now what happens when you start things with me…” She smirks, taking off her bra and panties, her voice heated.“Anyway, I told you what was going to happen next time, right?”

He swallows and nods, eyes wide.He lifts his arms as she takes off his shirt.  
  
“You look scared, Peter” she coos close to his ear, pressing her breasts against him as she kisses his neck. 

“That’s because you’ve been wrecking me,” he says quietly, eyes intense, his hands hot against her hips.

“God, sometimes I just want to bite you,” she says softly, into his ear.“You smell so good.”

“I do?” He’s breathless.

“Yeah… I’m going to do it, okay?”He nods vigorously, and shuts his eyes as she bites him lightly on his neck and moves up to nibble on his ear.“ _Fuck…”_ he breathes as he grips her hips tighter. “Mmmmm…I love how your skin tastes.”She’s going to kill him.

“Yeah?” He chokes out.

“Uh-huh. I want to lick you,” she says, running her tongue down his throat and over his Adams’s apple.“ _Christ_ ,” he’s moving his hands over her ass as his hips jerk up.“Do you like when I do this?” She asks in a throaty voice.“I love everything you do.I can’t get enough of you,” he says, breathing hard and looking dazed.

She moves down and laps around his abs and unbuttons his jeans.“I want to feel you in my mouth,” she says as she pulls down his boxer briefs.She licks him a little and he clenches his fists and groans.He’s shaking now, trying to stay in control.He’s dying for the release, but he needs more.

He abruptly pulls her on top of him starts kissing her roughly, holding her tight against him.He kisses her chest and brings her nipple into his mouth while fondling the other breast.She’s gasping now and they are moving their hips together.“Are you ready for me?” He says, putting a hand between her legs and feeling her wetness.She nods, breathing hard.“Say it,” he grunts.“I’m ready for you,” she murmurs.He reaches for his wallet and takes out a condom,shoving his pants lower.

“I’ll do it,” she says, taking the condom and rolling it on him, making him moan.When she lowers herself on him they both gasp, and when they start moving, both of them are in a trance, their eyes almost closed but still locked on each other’s.When Peter feels the edge approaching, he brings his hand to her and starts rubbing slowly, making her cry out.“Tell me how good I feel,” he says, low and rough.“You feel so good,” she whimpers, grasping his hand to her. “Don’t stop.” And then he starts losing it, gripping tightly to her as he thrusts deeply and when they come together, it’s explosive and intense, leaving them both shaking and overwhelmed.

“Peter?” She’s running one hand through his hair.

His face is pressed into the sofa armrest.“Can’t talk.I’m dead.You killed me.”

She giggles and then says tentatively, “Don’t go tonight, okay?Stay here.I mean, if you want to.”

He smiles, making every effort not to shake his head at her.Seriously, this girl’s blind spot is unbelievable.Where did she think he was going?“Sure Covey.” And then he grins.“Let’s order some food.We have to refuel - I still have to make good on my next level promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you readers for your comments and kudos! 
> 
> _____________________________
> 
> Chapter title from "Fire" by Waxahatchee


	11. I could love you unconditionally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s hot on the dance floor when the countdown starts. Peter pulls his gorgeous girl to him, her hairline glistening with sweat, eyes sparkly and happy, and her dimpled smile hitting him in the belly. He’s looking at her with those warm dreamy eyes, big sexy grin stretched wide over his beautiful face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! Thank you so much, readers! ♥️ I hope this provided an angsty, sexy, and sweet little escape for you like it did for me. 
> 
> ____________________________
> 
> Chapter title from "Fire" by Waxahatchee

It’s New Year’s Eve morning, and Lara Jean is scrolling through her phone while Peter is making his after-run protein shake.

“What’s up?Anything interesting?” he asks, leaning down to give her a kiss on the top of her head.

“I’m just looking at pictures of Korean New Years past,” she says, smiling up at him.“We used to celebrate it with my mom’s side of the family, even after she died.My dad would take us to my grandmother’s, and we’d get all dressed up in these traditional clothes.My grandmother would get them made for us every year.”

“Wow, the dresses are beautiful,” he says, looking at a picture of the Covey sisters huddled together, dressed in brightly colored silk dresses with poofy skirts, high buns in their hair.

She smiles wistfully.“After my grandmother passed away, we just stopped celebrating it.”

He’s quiet, always reverent when she shares something about her mother or that side of the family.

“You know, as the years go by, I’m getting further away from that part of me.I wonder if I will ever celebrate Korean New Years again.What is the likelihood of that?”

“What’s it like?”

“Well you wear your han boks, the dresses you saw in the pictures, and there are these games you play, which I forget the name of.And this special soup you eat.I don’t remember the name of that either.It’s a time to honor your elders.You bow on your knees and bring your forehead to the floor until they say “Happy New Year” and tell you to get up, and then they give you little bags of money.See how I’m already forgetting the names of everything?Pretty soon it will be a distant memory.”She’s reflecting, staring at her hands which are clasped together on the table.

He squeezes her shoulder.As much as he gets frustrated with Lara Jean’s trepidation to go all in with him, he’s aware that it stems from this profound loss.And there’s a big part of him, the part that still stings with the rejection of his father, that is drawn to her because of it.He sees the heartbroken child in her, the one who’s afraid to love because she doesn’t want to risk having to say goodbye, and he feels a deep connection to it.

“That sounds really nice.You don’t have to let go of that tradition just because you’re forgetting some of the details.You can start again on your own…” He’s talking softly, rubbing her shoulders.

“I just feel like the degrees of separation are exponentially multiplying now,” she says, looking downcast now.“Do you ever feel like that with your dad?”

“Yeah.He’s a stranger to me now.” 

“I’m so sorry, Peter.”Her heart aches for him and she feels a pang thinking about how brave he is, being so open about who he wants and what he needs.She reaches out and puts a hand on his.

“It’s weird because he was the best dad when we were little, really involved in everything, and then he just left.I don’t know how he could just sever the relationship like that.Sometimes I envy Owen because he doesn’t have memories of him like I do.”

“Yeah, I feel the same way about Kitty.I have really happy special memories, but they make me miss her, and it’s so sad when I forget the details. It’s like a part of me grieves again - like she’s slipping away, and I don’t have any control over it.”A tear courses down her cheek.He reaches out quickly to wipe it away with his thumb.

He sits down and pulls her into his lap, pressing his forehead against her back, and they sit together in silence for a while.

Peter kisses her neck.“Are you getting depressed now?Because I am.Want to make bloody marys and day drink and have drunk sex so we can turn this day around?”

Her eyes are still teary, but she smiles and whispers, “Yeah.”

* * *

Later that day Peter and Lara Jean are getting ready to go to meet friends at a bar to celebrate New Years.

“Can you help me zip this shirt up?There’s a hidden zipper in the back.” Lara Jean walks into the living room wearing a black tie front wide-legged pants, and a taupe sleeveless silk blouse with a t-back design and huge gold earrings.Her shoes are high and red mesh and suede, the ones that she flipped out about when she found them at a sample sale. 

“What are doing to me, Covey?How do you even wear this shit?Where’s your bra?”He runs one hand over her back, loving how she tenses up and shivers a little at his touch.

She laughs.“It’s a stick on, no back.”

“You have the sexiest back,” he says, moving his lips up her bare shoulder blade.

“You’re pretty sexy,” she looks at him appreciatively.As usual, he’s wearing completely nondescript clothes, but it’s the way he wears them -his sweater hanging just so and the perfect fit of his pants - that makes her feel predatory.

She gives him a quick peck and tries to move away, but he holds onto her.

“I am?Tell me more.”His voice is husky. 

“I don’t want to be late……” 

“What if I make it really fast?”

She raises her eyebrows.“I’m not sure if I’d like that.”

“I’m pretty sure you will.”He smirks at her. 

“We’re supposed to be there in a half hour."

He pouts.

She tiptoes and bites his pouty lip, drawing it between her lips and sighs.“You are so yummy.Even when you’re being a huge baby.”

“I might not put out later if you reject me now,” he warns as he zips her up.

“Okay, Peter, sure,” she laughs. 

He grins, shrugging.Seriously, why does he even front?

* * *

It’s hot on the dance floor when the countdown starts.Peter pulls his gorgeous girl to him, her hairline glistening with sweat, eyes sparkly and happy, and her dimpled smile hitting him in the belly.He’s looking at her with those warm dreamy eyes, big sexy grin stretched wide over his beautiful face.

_10_ …she stretches up, hands on either side of his neck

_9_ …..his arms wrap around her, his hands warm on bare back

_8_ …..she tilts her face up, full lips curved into a smile

_7_ …..he leans down, eyes so sexy and sweet

_6_ …..she moves her hands to his hair, making him sigh

_5_ …..he pulls her closer to him, so her body is completely pressed against his

_4_ …..she brings his head down, her warm breath tickling his ear, “Peter, I love you.”

_3_ …..he lets out a puff of breath and looks at her, his eyes red, speechless.

_2_ ….“Do you love me?” Her voice is small and uncertain.

_1_ ….“Yes.” Quick and sure and gruff. He picks her up and kisses her, deep and tender.


End file.
